For a while Dominic Iglesias remained standing before the fireplace. He
was sad at heart. He had given generously, lavishly, out of proportion,
as most persons reckon charitable givings, to his means. But, though
the act was in itself good, he was sensible of no responsive warmth, no
glow of satisfaction. The transaction left him cold; left him, indeed,
a prey to disgust. Not only were the man's faults evident, but they
were of so unpleasant a nature as to neutralise all gladness in
relieving his distress. Mechanically Iglesias straightened the chair
which his guest had so lately occupied, put away tumbler and spirit
decanter, pulled up the blind and opened one of the tall narrow
windows, set the door giving access to his bed-chamber wide, and opened
a window there, too, so creating a draught right through the apartment
from end to end. He desired to clean it both of a physical and a moral
atmosphere which were displeasing to him. And, in so doing, he let in,
not only the roar of London, borne in a fierce crescendo on the breath
of the wind, but a strange multitudinous rustling from the sombre
foliage and stiff branches of the lonely cedar tree. Two limbs,
crossing, sawed upon one another as the wind took them, uttering at
intervals a long-drawn complaint--not weakly, but rather with virility,
as of a strong man chained and groaning against his fetters.
The sound affected Dominic Iglesias deeply, begetting in him an almost
hopeless sense of isolation. The vapid talk at dinner, poor little Mrs.
Porcher's misplaced advances--the fact of which it appeared to him
equally idle to deny and fatuous to admit--the dreary scene with his
unhappy fellow-lodger, the good deed done which just now appeared
fruitless--all these contributed to make the complaint of the exiled
cedar's tormented branches an echo of the complaint of his own heart.
For a long while he listened to these voices of the night, the great
city, the great tree, the wind and the wet; and listening, by degrees
he rallied his patience in that he humbled himself.
"After all, I have been little else but self-seeking," he said, half
aloud. "For I gave not to the man, but to myself. I clutched at a
personal reward, if not of spoken gratitude yet of subjective content.
It has not come. I suppose I did not deserve it."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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