The Fashionable Adventures of Joshua Craig: A NovelPhillips, David Graham
General
The Fashionable Adventures of Joshua Craig: A Novel
Phillips, David Graham
Adventure stories; Fiction
Never had he been so nearly "like an ordinary man--like a gentleman"--as
when they set out for the Adirondacks. She could scarcely believe her
own eyes, and she warmed to him and felt that she had been greatly
overestimating her task. He had on one of the suits he had bought ready
made that morning. It was of rough blue cloth--dark blue--most becoming
and well draped to show to advantage his lithe, powerful frame, its
sinews so much more manly-looking than the muscularity of artificially
got protuberances usually seen in the prosperous classes in our Eastern
cities. Grant had selected the suit, had selected all the suits, and had
superintended the fittings. Grant had also selected the negligee shirt
and the fashionable collar, and the bright, yet not gaudy, tie, and
Grant had selected the shoes that made his feet look like feet; and
Grant had conducted him to a proper barber, who had reduced the mop of
hair to proportion and order, and had restored its natural color and
look of vitality by a thorough shampooing. In brief, Grant had taken a
gloomy pleasure in putting his successful rival through the machine of
civilization and bringing him out a city man, agreeable to sight, smell
and touch.
"Now," said he, when the process was finished, "for Heaven's sake try to
keep yourself up to the mark. Take a cold bath every morning and a warm
bath before dinner."
"I have been taking a cold bath every day since I got my private
bathroom," said Joshua, with honest pride.
"Then you're just as dirty as the average Englishman. He takes a cold
bath and fancies he's clean, when in fact he's only clean-looking. Cold
water merely stimulates. It takes warm water and soap to keep a man
clean."
"I'll bear that in mind," said Craig, with a docility that flattered
Grant as kindly attentions from a fierce-looking dog flatter the timid
stranger.
"And you must take care of your clothes, too," proceeded the arbiter
elegantiarum. "Fold your trousers when you take them off, and have them
pressed. Get your hair cut once a week--have a regular day for it. Trim
your nails twice a week. I've got you a safety razor. Shave at least
once a day--first thing after you get out of bed is the best time. And
change your linen every day. Don't think because a shirt isn't downright
dirty that you can pass it off for fresh."
"Just write those things down," said Josh. "And any others of the same
kind you happen to think of. I hate to think what a state I'd be in if I
hadn't you. Don't imagine I'm not appreciating the self-sacrifice."
Grant looked sheepish. But he felt that his shame was unwarranted, that
he really deserved Craig's tactless praise. So he observed virtuously:
"That's where we men are beyond the women. Now, if it were one woman
fixing up another, the chances are a thousand to one she'd play the cat,
and get clothes and give suggestions that'd mean ruin."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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