The fear of living : $b (La peur de vivre)Bordeaux, Henry
General
The fear of living : $b (La peur de vivre)
Bordeaux, Henry
French fiction -- Translations into English
Although her masterful nature was irritated by this rebellion, she
understood that now she must not put pressure on her child. She covered
her with kisses and overwhelmed her with kind words, but it was all in
vain.
“What is the matter with you to-night?” she repeated.
“Nothing,” said Alice in a firm voice, which her mother did not
recognise.
In the face of such profundity of sorrow Madame Dulaurens hesitated,
not knowing which to ask of the two questions that burned her lips.
“Is it about your husband?” she asked at last.
She had guessed that Commander Guibert’s death had something to do with
these tears. But she did not dare to allude to the secret which she had
once treated so lightly.
“Yes,” whispered Alice, weakening again. And they both accepted this
lie, by which they were spared the reproach which no passing of time
could wipe away. Both were thinking of Marcel Guibert and they talked
about Armand de Marthenay.
Alice began to complain of her joyless life.
“We were wrong to ask him to resign.”
“Oh, my dearest,” said her mother, “how you hurt me! So you would have
agreed to desert me?”
“Was it better that my husband should desert me?”
“I should have died,” exclaimed Madame Dulaurens energetically, “if you
had had to go. You will never know how I love you and how I want to
make you happy!”
She spoke in entirely good faith. Deceived by her daughter’s words,
she had regained the serenity which the memory of death had almost
destroyed. Taught by her own experience, she was not in the least
surprised at the disillusionment of Armand’s neglected wife. Was it not
the lot of most women? And had she not, what so many women lacked, the
consolation of a warm motherly heart to fly to?
But Alice saw another mother, who at this hour was draining her cup
of sorrow, a poor old woman by whose side she longed to be, where she
would have been if she had listened to the dictates of her heart. Like
all weaklings who revolt, she went beyond the bounds and did not stop
short of injustice to her own mother.
They looked at each other. Madame Dulaurens understood at last and felt
a deep anguish. A gulf yawned between her and her daughter. There had
suddenly and relentlessly been revealed to both of them the difference
of their two natures, the one imperious and under the sway of worldly
prejudices, the other shrinking, docile, and under no sway but that of
the heart.
When they went back to the drawing-room a few minutes later, calm, and
leaning on each other’s arms, nobody could have suspected the domestic
drama which had just parted them asunder.
Isabelle was leading the conversation, talking loudly, making jokes,
and showing her white teeth. And from time to time she looked at her
surroundings, at her husband, at her admirers, M. de Marthenay, M. de
Lavernay, and particularly at Clément Dulaurens, with eyes full of
hatred and scorn. She detested them all, because they could not tell
her that Jean Berlier was still alive.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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