The fear of living : $b (La peur de vivre)Bordeaux, Henry
General
The fear of living : $b (La peur de vivre)
Bordeaux, Henry
French fiction -- Translations into English
The old story of Iphigenia unfolded itself slowly. But Jean was beyond
the musician’s power. Before him, between the black velvet ribbon and
the dress, he saw Isabelle’s fair flesh and imagined the silky softness
of it. Half turned towards him, she showed her face in profile. He
followed the proud, slightly curved line of her nose, and stopped to
dwell on those red lips, those lonely lips of an Eastern slave. Had she
not said: “I am still waiting for you?” What was he waiting for? Had
the countless seductions of life suddenly lost their charm for him,
summed up for him as they were in this lovely woman, as a drop of scent
in a Persian bottle contains the attar of a thousand roses? Had the
African sun frozen his blood instead of infusing fire into it? Young
and free, how could he use his youth and freedom in a better way? The
head of whose every movement his thoughts were so filled turned, and
now that the profile was lost to him, his glance had to content itself
with the heavy mass of her hair, with the neck and the line of her
shoulders, so sensuous in their appeal. Giddy, he closed his eyes for a
moment and swore in a passionate fury that he would bring to fruition
the mad desire which overwhelmed him.
At this moment of his abandonment he was swept by the chords of a deep
and sustained harmony, which even in the stress of the sorrow which
they were depicting never lost their grave serenity. His overstrung
nerves were all a-quiver. His soul, its sensitiveness increased tenfold
by the expectation of pleasure, drank in the divine music as a dried-up
flower drinks in the dew.
On the stage Orestes and Pylades were disputing as to who should have
the joy of dying for the other. They had reached the dark shores of
Tauris. The idol of the barbarians had demanded the sacrifice of one of
them. The high priestess, none other than the unhappy Iphigenia, had
indicated Pylades, and Orestes claimed the pain for himself--a quarrel
whose pathos can never grow old, where friendship, inspired by the
intoxication of generosity, surpasses love itself in its transports.
Jean strove to shut out the troubling influence of those sounds which
were so at war with the turmoil of his senses. But his deadened
will-power could not defend him long. He loved life in all its
manifestations of beauty too much not to understand and admire such
perfect art, whose holy inspiration tore from the heart, as one tears
up weeds from a garden, all evil desires, all hatreds and light
thoughts.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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