The fear of living : $b (La peur de vivre)Bordeaux, Henry
General
The fear of living : $b (La peur de vivre)
Bordeaux, Henry
French fiction -- Translations into English
“She was wrong, Jean. She loved me before she loved you. She loves
you best to-day and does not yet know it. She has been my joy and my
strength. You will see later what her devotion can be. She has devoted
herself to me to the verge of sacrificing herself. But I do not wish
it. God does not wish it.”
She saw that the young man was almost in tears and she took his hand
again.
“She is looking back, and in life we must look forward. Fathers and
mothers must live for their children, not the other way. It is the
natural law. It is the divine will. Do not mourn, Jean. She will be
your wife. I am going to send her to you. But you must promise me you
will cherish and protect her always and make her happy. My little Paule
deserves it so much.”
Jean could not keep back his tears any longer. And these were sacred
tears, stirred at the sight of such a miracle of abnegation. His deep
and respectful admiration embraced both mother and daughter, so worthy
of one another in their forgetfulness of their own happiness. And he
himself, blinded by his love, had not guessed that this love, cruel as
the gods of old, demanded a great sacrifice, an offering of atonement
in the sorrow of the noblest of hearts!
With an impulsive movement he bent over the hand which he held in his
and placed his lips on it.
“I should like to kneel to you,” he murmured. “May you be blessed above
all women!”
“Oh, what are you saying, Jean?”
He continued: “But I cannot accept your sacrifice. We will stay in
France near you. Paule shall never leave you.”
Madame Guibert had already left him. She went to the end of the
drawing-room, opened a door, and turning round on the threshold as she
went out said, “Wait here for me.”
She crossed her own room and entered her daughter’s noiselessly.
Through the open window the dying light of day came in, with the
perfume of the garden, and was reflected with the trees in the mirror.
In the afterglow, she saw Paule, sitting huddled up at the foot of her
bed, crying her heart out for her lost happiness. She had lost it of
her own free will, and not through weakness; but could she not see it
now from afar, like the promised land which she should never enter?
She plunged herself into the flood of that love which none had known
or could ever know, that joyous love of old which she had thought
suppressed for ever and which she now felt welling forth again to her
sorrow--plunged herself so deep that she seemed almost to taste the
savor of death upon her lips. She was awakened from her misery by her
mother’s kiss upon her hair.
“Paule,” said Madame Guibert, “why are you crying? You must be brave in
your happiness, as you have been in your trials.”
The girl had already risen and under cover of the growing darkness,
which partly hid the signs of her sorrow, she began at once to defend
herself.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
Reviews
Reviews
No reviews yet
Be the first to share your thoughts on this work.
Elsewhere in the archive
Join the Discussion
Join the discussion
Sign in to leave a comment or review.
Sign InorCreate an account