The fear of living : $b (La peur de vivre)Bordeaux, Henry
General
The fear of living : $b (La peur de vivre)
Bordeaux, Henry
French fiction -- Translations into English
“You don’t know what happened, Mother. I do not love him. Only ... his
offer was so unexpected, so strange, that I was a little startled. It
is the first time, Mother, you know.... But I don’t love him, I assure
you.... I cannot do more than I have done.”
Her mother was looking at her with infinite love, as if she were
measuring the extent of this devotion which would not confess itself
and persisted in denial, even to despair.
“Come with me, Paule,” she said at last. “Jean has not told you
everything--Or you left too soon. He did not have time to tell you,
dear, that when you go I am going with you.”
As flowers after a heavy shower sparkle in the sunlight which changes
their rain-drops to precious stones, so now this tearful face lighted
up. Paule threw her arms round her mother’s neck. If Madame Guibert
had any doubts about Paule’s secret, this quick change would have
enlightened her.
“Mother, is that true? How happy we shall be out there! ... I love you.”
Madame Guibert smiled, fully aware that these three immortal words were
not meant for her.
“I knew it well,” she murmured softly, fondling her daughter’s cheek
as she used to do when she was but a tiny child. Moved to tears she
was thinking of the blossoming of this happiness to which, by a
providential chance, she had been allowed to contribute, and under her
breath she thanked God, who had answered her prayer.
Shyly and without looking at her mother, Paule asked: “Has he gone?”
“He is here.”
The girl blushed, but the darkness hid her. The golden lights were
already fading from the mirror.
“Let us go and find him,” said Madame Guibert.
She lead Paule by the hand into the drawing-room.
“Jean,” she said, “here is your wife!”
She joined their hands. But they did not look at each other yet. A
similar emotion filled their hearts. Jean was the first to raise his
eyes. The tears Paule had shed, if they lessened the beauty of her
features, took away the pride of her expression and in its place
brought a humbler, more touching look. He loved her all the more for
her womanly weakness.
“I may be certain of my happiness?” were his first words.
With a sigh she answered, “Oh, yes....”
“Paule, I love you,” he said.
She repeated after him in a voice that was scarcely audible: “I love
you, Jean.”
She looked at him in her turn and they smiled at each other. But
immediately her eyes went to her mother, and, the joy of her heart
confirmed, she said:
“Mother is going to Tonkin with us. We will all be together out there
except my sister Marguerite, the nun.”
Now Jean understood the last argument Madame Guibert had used to test
her daughter’s heart. And although he had doubts about this journey
and instinctively suspected the generous falsehood, he pretended to
rejoice with the two women.
“My children, my dear children,” Madame Guibert cried. “God has given
us great happiness. May His blessing be upon you, upon your new home,
upon your family! Jean, kiss your bride.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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