The fear of living : $b (La peur de vivre)Bordeaux, Henry
General
The fear of living : $b (La peur de vivre)
Bordeaux, Henry
French fiction -- Translations into English
The young man’s lips touched a cheek that was still wet. Thus their
first kiss was mingled with sadness, as if to symbolize their union for
life, in sorrow and in joy.
Madame Guibert had gone to the end of the drawing-room, and was looking
at Marcel’s photograph; but at this late hour it was more in memory
than in the portrait that she could see her son’s features. Jean and
Paule came up to her.
“How happy Marcel would be,” said the young man. “I think now he knew
my heart before I did myself.”
And the girl was thinking of her brother’s words: “Don’t be anxious,
you will be happy some day.” Could he, who bore the fatal sign upon his
brow and walked towards death with a sure step, have read the future
then, with eyes that saw into another world? Was it his detachment from
this life that enabled him to understand the affinity of souls and the
secret of destinies? Paule’s sisterly devotion was glad to have Marcel
associated with her own love.
The glowing struggle of the daylight with the dusk was over. Day was
dead.
“I must go,” murmured Jean to his fiancée. And immediately she felt
sad. Already all her thoughts were with her future husband and this
first separation was a cause of grief.
“It is very late,” Madame Guibert broke in. “Stay with us, Jean. You
must dine with us--you are not hard to please. Afterwards you can go
back to Rose Villa.”
He hesitated a minute.
“I cannot,” he said. “My uncle would be anxious. I was rude to him just
now on the road and I don’t wish to cause him fresh annoyance.”
He told Paule of M. Loigny’s unaccomplished official mission.
“Come back with him to-morrow for luncheon, then,” continued Madame
Guibert. “Tell him that the garden will play its part in the fête. We
shall have our loveliest flowers on the table. They will entertain
him. Then we will all go and celebrate your engagement at the village
church.”
As Jean left Le Maupas he found darkness in the oakwood. Joyfully and
in no haste he descended the wooded hillside, as though it were the
plain straight path of his well-ordered life in the days to come; the
same hillside that Marcel had once mounted running, with the fire of
love in his heart and the savor of danger upon his dry lips.
That night Paule was late in getting to sleep. She welcomed love
with a steadfast heart, and with a serious feeling that made her
resolution the firmer, not the weaker. She had climbed the hill of her
youth, fighting difficulties, both physical and moral, as the hardy
mountain-sheep struggle upward through the bushes which tear their
fleeces on the way. Now it seemed to her that she was walking over a
plain and that her bare feet were treading the soft grass. The sky
before her was full of light. And what did it matter to her if she
still had to climb? Would she not hereafter have a stronger arm to lean
upon? And did she not feel in herself a new courage?
But Paule had been asleep a long time when her mother was still
watching and praying.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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