The fear of living : $b (La peur de vivre)Bordeaux, Henry
General
The fear of living : $b (La peur de vivre)
Bordeaux, Henry
French fiction -- Translations into English
“They have reached the waterfall at Coux now.... O God!”
As she was crossing the bridge over the muddy waters of the Leysse she
stopped and leaned on the parapet to take breath. At that moment she
heard someone call. “Madame Guibert,” said the voice, “will you allow
me to come with you?” It was Madame de Marthenay, who had watched her
from the station, hesitating between the wish to help her, according to
the promise she had made to Paule, and the fear of breaking in upon her
absorbing sorrow. Seeing her now in distress, she came forward.
Madame Guibert was so tired that she took the arm offered to her. In
her sorrow she hardly spoke during the walk home. Alice, with tactful
delicacy, tried to console her in talking of the joy her children would
have when they saw her again. On the doorstep Paule’s mother thanked
her gratefully.
“But I am going to help you upstairs,” Madame de Marthenay insisted.
“You are very kind. Thank you very much.” And when they were at the
head of the stairs she added: “Come in for a minute. You must rest a
little. I leaned very heavily on your arm along the road.” The poor
weary eyes in their appeal laid bare the tragedy of the desolate home.
“I shall be very glad,” said Alice, moved to deep sympathy as she
followed the old lady into a bedroom, changed by means of a screen into
a little sitting-room by day. Marie the maid, still overwhelmed by
“Mademoiselle’s” departure, brought in a telegram.
“Here is a message,” she said, with a hostile glance at the elegant
Madame de Marthenay.
With difficulty, and shaking all over, Madame Guibert tore open the
envelope. She could never open one of those little blue papers without
trembling for they might have a message of death in them. But her
face cleared immediately. As she read, Alice was looking round her
mechanically at the simple and modest, almost conventional, furniture.
Her eyes fell on the enlarged photograph of Marcel. She went up to it.
The Commander wore his disdainful, impassive air in the picture, which
dated from his return from the Sahara.
Madame Guibert turned round and saw her contemplating her son’s
photograph. She regretted having brought her into the room. But as she
went up to her, Alice looked at her and burst into tears.
“What is the matter?” asked Madame Guibert.
“Oh! Madame, Madame!” cried the young woman, and she sobbed out her
secret to Marcel’s mother. “I loved him! If only you knew how I loved
him!”
In profound pity, Madame Guibert gazed on the woman who had given her
son his distaste for life. She knew from Paule that at the time of
Marcel’s death the photograph of a little girl had been found in the
breast-pocket of his tunic. Of a “little girl” indeed! How true it was
that he had set his affections on a child.
“Poor little one,” she said, stroking Alice’s cheek as she sat drooping
in a chair. In face of this sorrow waiting to be consoled, she forgot
her own misery and immediately recovered her presence of mind and her
courage.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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