The fear of living : $b (La peur de vivre)Bordeaux, Henry
General
The fear of living : $b (La peur de vivre)
Bordeaux, Henry
French fiction -- Translations into English
The girl did not reply. Marcel regretted his remark, for he felt its
selfishness. Of all Dr. Guibert’s children Paule had suffered most
directly from the blow of the financial disaster which had crushed the
whole family through the misfortunes of an uncle. She had lost her
dowry and thereby many a chance of marriage. Her brothers depended on
her devotion to cherish their mother’s old age, as if she must always
forget her own life and feel in vain the tender beating of her young
heart.
Marcel gazed at her a long time. With affectionate admiration he
regarded her graceful figure, so supple and so full of the promise of
future strength; the pure tint of her complexion, accentuated by the
black of her dress; her deep, sombre eyes, so sweet withal, the eyes of
a woman who has tasted life and knows it, without fearing it; he saw
the whole charming picture of a maiden both proud and virtuous. Why
should she not inspire love?
He noticed the dark hair overhanging her troubled brow, and sought to
make her smile.
“I love that black hair of yours,” he said. “I have never seen any so
black. How proudly you carry the weight of it. Do you remember, when
you were little and wore it down your back, there was so much of it
that the peasant women coming back from market used to stop to look at
you and say, ‘What a shame to put a false plait upon the poor child!’
And your nurse was very angry, ‘A false plait, is it! Come and pull
it and you’ll see if it comes off in your hands.’ So they actually
tested the genuineness of your hair, and you wept because you were too
beautiful!”
Slowly, leaning on the iron balustrade and setting each foot in turn
on every step, Madame Guibert was coming down to her children. As
an autumn flower blooms in a deserted garden, so a feeble smile had
lighted up her face since Marcel’s arrival. He came now to meet her and
set her chair in a sheltered spot.
“Are you comfortable, Mother?” he asked. The smile on the old face
deepened.
“My dear big boy, you are so like _him_.”
Marcel’s face grew grave. “It is eighteen months now since he passed
on,” he said. “I shall never forget that night at Ambato! I wandered
round the camp. I called to him. I called to you all. I felt death
coming to me....”
There was a sorrowful silence for a moment, and then Madame Guibert
spoke again.
“Eighteen months! Is it possible? ... Yet I have lived through them,
thanks to Paule. While the breath of life is in me, I shall thank God
for giving me such a husband, such sons and daughters.”
She wiped the tears from her eyes and began the painful recital for
which her son was waiting.
“Your Uncle Marc’s misfortune was the beginning of all our sorrows. We
were too happy, Marcel. Your father was the embodiment of strength,
self-reliance, and hard work. After the most wearying days he always
came home happy. And you all succeeded in your careers.”
“Some were jealous of you,” said Paule.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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