The fear of living : $b (La peur de vivre)Bordeaux, Henry
General
The fear of living : $b (La peur de vivre)
Bordeaux, Henry
French fiction -- Translations into English
The fading evening dyed the delicate sky with lilac and rose. The
air was soft, but its freshness announced the advent of autumn. The
countryside was smiling with the melancholy charm of a dying person who
still hopes to live. It showed its bare fields and its stripped vines,
with an air resembling that of a prodigal who has given away everything
and still wishes to give more. All that was of any use was gone, only
beauty was left. The woods but half hid their mysteries now, and their
green and gold foliage seemed scarcely able to bear up against the rays
of the sun. Round the walls of the house a few overblown roses let
their heavy petals fall in the light wind. But at the top of a meadow
on the hill, standing out blackly against the clear sky, two oxen
majestically drew the plough which prepared for the coming harvests. In
the peaceful decay of nature came the promise of new youth.
A chestnut falling at his feet made Marcel shiver. All at once he
understood the sadness of the beauty to whose entrancing grace he had
been yielding himself. He smelt the autumn and the dying day. And as he
looked at her, above all others dear to him, his mother, leaning on the
balcony and gathering together in her mind all her flock of scattered
children, he realised the strength of his filial affection and felt
at the same time that superstitious, piercing dread inspired in us
at times by the insecurity of the lives of those we love. Jean saw
his friend’s face become clouded and he pointed out to him the plough
patiently fertilising the ground, as if thereby bidding him trust in
Providence.
Slowly Madame Guibert went into the house.
“Poor dear mother,” thought Marcel. “How often I have made you anxious
about me. And you will be anxious again. This map lying before me,
silent and indifferent, holds the secret of future terrors for you! For
the mother’s milk you have given me, for the soul that your soul has
transmitted to me, for my childhood and youth, may you be blessed! I
love you. But, if I must go, forgive me....”
A young girl’s fair face rose up in his memory. After the refusal he
had seen nothing of Alice Dulaurens. Several times he had leaped over
the little barrier separating the tall trees of La Chênaie from the
Chaloux road. There, under that ancient shade, he had boldly waited
for her. Knowing that she loved him, he wanted above all things to
speak to her, to exchange a promise with her. The glory he was going
forth to seek and her patient waiting would give her to him. But,
either by chance or because she was watched, she did not come.
Was he to go thus? In a few days his leave, for an extension of which
he had refused to ask, would be up and he must go to Oran, where Jean
Berlier, who had been gazetted to the first regiment of Tirailleurs,
was to precede him. A hundred impossible ideas crowded into his mind,
and he chafed against his slavery as a young horse champs its bit.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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