The fear of living : $b (La peur de vivre)Bordeaux, Henry
General
The fear of living : $b (La peur de vivre)
Bordeaux, Henry
French fiction -- Translations into English
While he was thinking how he could manage to see the girl whom he
considered his fiancée with all the obstinate perseverance of a man of
action, his friend, Jean, got up.
“I want to say good-bye to your mother before I go,” he said.
“Wait a minute,” replied Marcel, also rising.
And suddenly making up his mind to speak, he added, almost in a whisper:
“Listen; I _must_ see Mademoiselle Dulaurens. You can help me.
Will you?”
The two men were united by a strong friendship. The one had thrown into
the relationship the tender indulgence of an elder brother, the other
the warm admiration of a younger one. Both gave to it the dignity
which distinguishes brotherly love. By degrees they had drawn from it
an incentive to nobler feelings. It gave them also that peace which
is born of mutual trust and similarity of nature and tastes. But they
did not confide much in each other. Therefore Jean was surprised to
hear his friend tell his secret, though he had long since guessed
it. A discreet observer, he had uneasily followed the domestic drama
which was being played at La Chênaie, and had been a witness to
Madame Dulaurens’s desperate efforts to champion the cause of Armand
de Marthenay as a suitor for her daughter’s hand. Knowing Marcel’s
concentrated strength and pride, he was more interested in this passion
whose violent despair frightened him, than in the slight diversion that
his own love affairs gave him. He knew what this wild desire to take
part in the Sahara expedition meant, this feverish need for activity,
this new ambition which had suddenly stirred his friend. But Marcel
never betrayed himself. There must, therefore, be some weighty reason
to make him decide to speak, and that was why this question alarmed his
friend.
Hiding his thoughts, Jean asked:
“Can’t you go to La Chênaie? There is nothing simpler.”
Marcel turned on him an eager, penetrating look.
“You know very well that I cannot,” he said. After a moment’s silence
he continued:
“Nevertheless,--I must see her.”
“To elope with her?” said Jean with his subtle smile, as if he were
trying for the last time to turn the affair into a joke. But he
received only a disdainful answer.
“Look at her well and you won’t talk that way. I must see her before
leaving for perhaps many years. Her happiness and mine are both at
stake. If it were only a question of time, I could go away without
looking back, taking my sorrow with me. She wants to be sure of the
future, she wants to know that it belongs to her securely. She can be
my wife, if she wishes it. I only ask her to have the courage to wait.”
“That is the hardest thing,” said Jean, who had no illusions about
Alice’s character.
“It is the easiest.”
“Yes, for you, who are used to dangers and obstacles. But for her?”
“But if she loves me?” asked Marcel simply, and in so quiet a tone that
no suspicion of conceit could be read into his words.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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