“Goodbye, but now forget all that we were Or said, or did to each other, here’s goodbye. Send no more letters now, only forget We ever met....” and the letter maunders on In the unformed uncompromising hand That witnesses against her, yet provides Extenuation and a grudging praise. Rachel to be a nun! Postulate now For her noviciate in a red brick convent: Praying, studying, wearing uniform, She serves the times of a tyrannic bell, Rising to praise God in the early hours With atmosphere of filters and stone stairs, Distemper, crucifixes and red drugget, Dusty hot-water pipes, a legacy-library.... Sleep never comes to me so tired as now Leg-chafed and footsore with my mind in a blaze Troubling this problem over, vexing whether To beat Love down with ridicule or instead To disregard new soundings and still keep The old course by the uncorrected chart, (The faithful lover, his unchanging heart) Rachel, before goodbye Obscures you in your sulky resignation Come now and stand out clear in mind’s eye Giving account of what you were to me And what I was to you and how and why, Saying after me, if you can say it, “I loved.” Rachel so summoned answers thoughtfully But painfully, turning away her head, “I lived and thought I loved, for I had gifts Of most misleading, more than usual beauty, Dark hair, grey eyes, capable fingers, movement Graceful and certain; my slow puzzled smile Accusing of too much ingenuousness Yet offered more than I could hope to achieve, And if I thought I loved, no man would doubt it.” So speaks the image as I read her mind, Or is it my pride speaks on her behalf, Ventriloquizing to deceive myself? Anger, grief, jealousy, shame confuse the issue, Her beauty is a truth I can not blink However angry, jealous, sad, ashamed.