For love is not always and for ever instinctive--not even the finest
love. While many women love because they must, whether the thing to be
loved or not loved be carrion or crystal, a child of the gods or an imp
of the devil, others love decisively because they see--perhaps can even
analyze--a beauty that is there in the thing before them. One woman
loves a man simply because he kisses her. Another loves him because he
has won the Victoria Cross.
Winifred was not of the women who love because they are kissed.
She had accepted Eustace rather impulsively, but she had not married him
quite uncritically. There was something new, different from other
men, about him which attracted her, as well as his good looks--that
prettiness which had peeped out from the white wig in the scarlet nook
at the ball. His oddities at that time she had grown thoroughly to
believe in, and, believing in them, she felt she liked them. She
supposed them to spring, rather like amazing spotted orchids, from
the earth of a quaint nature. Now, after a honeymoon spent among the
orchids, she held this council while the wind blew London into a mood of
evening irritation.
What was Eustace?
How the wind sang over Park Lane! Yet the stars were coming out.
What was he? A genius or a clown? A creature to spread a buttered slide
or a man to climb to heaven? A fine, free child of Nature, who did,
freshly, what he would, regardless of the strained discretion
of others, or a futile, scheming hypocrite, screaming after forced
puerilities, without even a finger on the skirts of originality?
It was a problem for lonely woman’s debate. Winifred strove to weigh it
well. In Bluebeard’s Chamber Eustace had cut many capers. This activity
she had expected--had even wished for. And at first she had been amused
and entertained by the antics, as one assisting at a good burlesque,
through which, moreover, a piquant love theme runs. But by degrees she
began to feel a certain stiffness in the capers, a self-consciousness in
the antics, or fancied she began to feel it, and instead of being always
amused she became often thoughtful.
Whimsicality she loved. Buffoonery she possibly, even probably, could
learn to hate.
Of Eustace’s love for her she had no doubt. She was certain of his
affection. But was it worth having? That depended, surely, on the nature
of the man in whom it sprang, from whom it flowed. She wanted to be sure
of that nature; but she acknowledged to herself, as she sat by the fire,
that she was perplexed. Perhaps even that perplexity was merciful. Yet
she wished to sweep it away. She knit her brows moodily, and longed for
a secret divining-rod that would twist to reveal truth in another.
For truth, she thought, is better than hidden water-springs, and a
sincerity--even of stupidity--more lovely than the fountain that gives
flowers to the desert, wild red roses to the weary gold of sands.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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