While self-hate in this pathological aspect is relatively
uncommon, in every person there are self-critical,
self-condemning activities which sometimes for short periods of
time reach self-hatred and disgust. McDougall makes a good deal
of the self-abasing instinct which makes us lower ourselves
gladly and willingly. This seems to me to be an aspect of the
emotion of admiration and wonder, for we do not wish ordinarily
to kneel at the feet of the insignificant, debased; or it is an
aspect of fear and the effort to obtain conciliation and pity.
But the establishment of ideals for ourselves to which we are not
faithful brings with it a disgust and loathing for self that is
extremely painful and leads to a desire for penance of any kind
In order that we may punish ourselves and feel that we have made
amends. The capacity for self-hate and self-disgust depends
largely upon the development of these ideals and principles of
conscience, of expectation of the self. Frequently there is an
overrigidity, a ceaseless self-examination that now and then
produces miracles of character and achievement but more often
brings the breakdown of health. This is the seeker of perfection
in himself, who will not compromise with his instincts and his
human flesh. There seekers of perfection are among the noblest of
the race, admired in the abstract but condemned by their friends
as "too good," "impractical," as possessors of the "New England
conscience." One of the effects of a Puritanical bringing-up is
a belief that pleasure is unworthy, especially in the sex field
and even in marriage. Now and then one meets a patient caught
between perfectly proper desire and an obsession that such
pleasure is debasing; and a feeling of self-disgust and
self-hatred results that is the more tragic since it is useless.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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