The Freaks of MayfairBenson, E. F. (Edward Frederic)
General
The Freaks of Mayfair
Benson, E. F. (Edward Frederic)
England -- Social life and customs -- 20th century -- Fiction; Humorous stories, English; Short stories, English
Christian Science made Mrs. Weston brighter and younger and more robust
than ever. Being quite convinced that there were no such things as
discomfort or evil or disease or death, she recognised with increased
vividness that the world was an exceedingly pleasant place, and went
about all day with a brilliant smile. This smile became rather hard and
fixed when small false claims put in their appearance, as, for instance,
when a fish-bone seemingly stuck in her throat, or when, reciting the
True Statement of Being as she went upstairs, she forgot the last step
and tumbled rather heavily on to her knees. Thus, in the semblance of
choking or of agonising pain in the knee-cap, it was necessary to tie
the smile on, so to speak, lest the false claim should get a foothold.
What made the house more uncomfortable for her husband was that his
false claims were ignored also, so that if his study fire was found not
to be lit, and the room in consequence like an ice-house, instead of
sympathising with him over the carelessness of the housemaid, Jane
continued to assure him that there was no such thing as cold, though her
teeth were chattering in her head. She got into touch with other
sufferers from these cheerful delusions, who seemed to him to resemble
gargoyles with their fixed inflexible smiles, and their attitudes of
determined hilarity, and the house became a perfect Bedlam of
invincible cheerfulness, which was depressing to the last degree. He had
a moment of reviving hope when Jane woke one morning with a very
plausible claim in a wisdom-tooth, which the uninitiated would have
called a raging toothache, and which he hoped might convince her. But
learning, by telephone, from a healer that though the pain would
certainly vanish with absent treatment, it was permissible to go to a
dentist in order to save time, for mere manipulation (in other words
having the tooth out), his hopes faded again. Mrs. Eddy herself, it
appeared, had consulted a dentist in such circumstances, and Mrs. Weston
did the same, and came home, brighter than ever, having had the tooth
extracted quite painlessly under laughing-gas. The last thing she had
said to herself, so she triumphantly announced, before she went off was
that the extraction wouldn’t hurt at all, and it didn’t. The True
Statement of Being had scored one triumph the more in completely
annihilating not only the sense of pain, but commonsense also.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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