The Funny Philosophers, or Wags and Sweethearts. A NovelYellott, George
General
The Funny Philosophers, or Wags and Sweethearts. A Novel
Yellott, George
Fiction
Finding no congenial society in the city, he had wandered hither to
meditate among the tombs. His reveries were rudely interrupted by
certain grim-looking fellows carrying carbines, one of which was
presented to his breast with an observation which, for want of an
interpreter, he was unable to comprehend. Poor Pate was too much awed to
animadvert upon the sinfulness of such proceedings on Sunday; and these
bold Sabbath-breakers, having rifled his pockets, stripped him of all
that he had, and left him in the condition in which he was found.
Having heard his dolorous story, the Professor exclaimed,--
"But, Mr. Pate, what is to be done? You cannot travel along the public
highway in that condition of nudity."
"If he does," said Toney, "the people will suppose that he is a model
artist."
"The weather is hot," said Tom Seddon. "And he will not feel
uncomfortable with nothing on but his shirt."
"If Pate goes into Callao, in a nude condition, he will frighten the
women into fits," said Toney.
"And he will be arrested and put in the calaboose," said the Professor.
"What is to be done?" asked Toney. "Our trunks are in Callao, and there
is no spare clothing among us."
"Mr. Pate can have my drawers," said Wiggins. And he pulled them off and
handed them to his unfortunate friend.
"And I will let him have my coat," said Hercules, pulling it off.
"That coat is like charity," said the Professor.
"How so?" asked Toney.
"It covers a multitude of faults," said the Professor, pointing to the
giant's linen coat, which completely enveloped the person of Pate and
hung down to his heels.
"What will Mr. Pate do for a pair of boots?" said Moses.
"Never mind," said Tom Seddon, "the road is sandy and will not hurt his
bare feet."
"And when he comes to stony places I will carry him on my back," said
Hercules.
"Come along, Mr. Pate," said Toney.
"And when you return from California with your gold you should by all
means carefully avoid these localities," said the Professor.
Poor Pate uttered not a word in response to these advisory remarks, but
all were convinced by the quivering of his lip and other outward signs
that he was inwardly vowing that he would do so.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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