The Funny Philosophers, or Wags and Sweethearts. A NovelYellott, George
General
The Funny Philosophers, or Wags and Sweethearts. A Novel
Yellott, George
Fiction
The reply
which Wiggins made to the minister who wanted to marry him to the widow
having been reported to M. T. Pate, he immediately expressed an opinion
that it afforded satisfactory proof of the sincere repentance of their
unfortunate and erring brother. By Pate's advice, Wiggins was again
received into the order, and is now here in Bella Vista for the purpose
of performing his duty as a faithful and efficient member of the mystic
brotherhood."
"I would really like to hear more of this man M. T. Pate," said Seddon.
"My curiosity has been aroused, and I desire to know something of his
previous history."
"Your desire can be easily gratified. I have already commenced writing
his biography."
"Writing his biography?"
"Yes. It is perfectly apparent to me that M. T. Pate is destined to
become a very distinguished personage. Somebody will write his
biography, and why not I? One chapter has been completed, which, with
your permission, I will read."
At that moment there was a knock at the door, and Captain Bragg entered
the room.
CHAPTER V.
"It has been said that the worst use you can make of a man is to hang
him. I think, Captain Bragg, that the next worst is to shoot him."
This remark was made by Toney after Bragg, having first shown him the
challenge which he had received from Botts and requested him to act as
his second, had emphatically expressed a truculent determination to put
the challenger to death with powder and ball.
"And," said Seddon, "some men are not worth the ammunition expended on
them."
"By the powers of mud! what do you mean, Mr. Seddon?" exclaimed Bragg.
"Is not Mr. Botts a gentleman? Do I not find him in the very best
society?"
"Not certainly in the very best society when he is found quarreling
with a monkey," said Seddon.
"With a monkey! Mr. Seddon? Gentlemen, I would have you know that it was
no ordinary monkey that Botts so brutally assaulted in the ball-room. He
was a royal present from her Majesty the Queen of Madagascar. I would
defend that monkey with my blood; and had not Botts challenged me, I
would have challenged him for the insult offered to my monkey. Monkeys
have emotions and sensibilities in their bosoms as well as we have, Mr.
Seddon."
"Then, they have souls as well as tails?" said Seddon.
"I have no doubt," said Bragg, "that a high-bred monkey, like mine,
brought up in a royal palace and tenderly cared for, can feel an insult
as keenly as a man."
"Then, Captain Bragg," said Seddon, "why not refer Botts for
satisfaction to the monkey?"
"Because, sir, monkeys are not yet sufficiently advanced in civilization
to understand the code of honor. But the time may come when they will."
"What!" exclaimed Seddon, "do you mean to say that the time may come
when monkeys will challenge one another to single combat, and fight with
hair-trigger pistols like civilized men?"
"Yes, sir," said Bragg.
"I suppose that will be after they have dropped their tails," said
Seddon.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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