The Funny Philosophers, or Wags and Sweethearts. A NovelYellott, George
General
The Funny Philosophers, or Wags and Sweethearts. A Novel
Yellott, George
Fiction
Botts's ugly countenance now assumed a very peculiar expression. One of
those ideas which suddenly rush into a man's mind and master it in a
moment presented itself, and immediately became dominant. He supposed
that Wiggins had become demented, and that he was in the presence of a
maniac. Botts had as much of the common quality of physical courage as
most of the male gender, but, like many a brave man, he had an intense
horror of crazy people. He retreated. Wiggins advanced towards him,
anxious to explain, and lifting his hand in the act of gesticulation.
"Stand back!" shouted Botts, grasping a chair, and elevating it over his
head,--"stand back, or I will knock you down!"
"Botts! Botts!" exclaimed Wiggins, lifting up both hands in violent
agitation, being utterly astounded at this hostile demonstration on the
part of his principal,--"Botts! Botts! I--I--said--broad-axes!"
"Help! help! murder! murder!" shouted Botts; and he aimed a blow at
Wiggins, who dodged it, and, tumbling over a table, fell sprawling on
the carpet, while the chair flew from Botts's hands and went with a
crash against the door. In an instant there was a rush of people from
the adjoining apartments and the room was filled with spectators.
"Good heavens!" exclaimed M. T. Pate, addressing himself to Botts, who
had armed himself with another chair, and stood brandishing it in a
corner of the room with an air of desperate determination,--"good
heavens! Mr. Botts, what does this mean?"
"Gentlemen, such scenes cannot be allowed in my house," said the
landlord. "Mr. Botts, this is the second time you have raised an uproar
in this establishment."
"Botts, you shall answer for this outrage!" exclaimed Wiggins, rising on
his feet and looking Botts in the face with a most truculent aspect.
"Are you not crazy?" said Botts.
"Crazy!" vociferated Wiggins, advancing towards Botts, who dodged behind
Pate. "_You_ are crazy, sir! You are as mad as a March hare, sir! You
are a dangerous man! I will have you in a lunatic asylum before you are
a day older, sir! Gentlemen, I call upon you to assist me in securing
this madman."
"By Jupiter! I think you are both lunatics," said the landlord.
"Mr. Wiggins, there most he some mistake," said Pate. "Botts is not
crazy."
"No madder man ever broke out of bedlam!" said Wiggins. "He will kill
somebody if he is not put in a strait-jacket."
"What was all this about?" asked Pate.
"About?" said Wiggins. "Why, sir, I was merely repeating something which
Mr. Belton had said to me, when up jumped Botts and aimed a blow at my
head with chair; and had I out dodged as quickly as I did, he would
have knocked my brains out. Is such a man fit to run at large through
this house? Do you call him sane, Mr. Pate? Sane!--if he's sane, you
might as well pull down all the lunatic asylums in the land and let
their inmates out to----"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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