The Funny Philosophers, or Wags and Sweethearts. A NovelYellott, George
General
The Funny Philosophers, or Wags and Sweethearts. A Novel
Yellott, George
Fiction
"Stop! Wiggins, stop! I begin to see," said Botts. "You are not crazy,
after all! Did you say you were merely repeating what Belton had said to
you?"
"Nothing more," said Wiggins. "And was that any reason why I should
be----"
"My dear, dear fellow!" said Botts. "It was a mistake! I see! Give me
your hand. I ask ten thousand pardons!"
Botts advanced towards Wiggins, who retreated a step, and then stood his
ground and took the proffered hand.
"Thank God," said Pate, "there will be no duel!"
"Crazy men are not allowed to fight duels," said the landlord.
"Gentlemen," said Botts, "I call you to witness that it was all my
fault. I beg Mr. Wiggins's pardon."
"It is granted," said Wiggins.
"And now, gentlemen," said Botts, "be so good as to leave us to
ourselves. You see it is all made up, and we are the best friends in the
world."
At this request all left the room. M. T. Pate, however, lingered at the
door for a moment, and said, in an admonitory tone,--
"For Heaven's sake, Botts, do not quarrel with Wiggins again!"
"No fear of that, Mr. Pate." And with this assurance Pate closed the
door.
Botts being alone with his second, there was a repetition of apologies
and mutual explanations; after which each became assured of the sanity
of the other, and was more at his ease.
"But," asked Botts, "did Belton really say anything about broad-axes?"
Wiggins hesitated. He seemed to be afraid to again give utterance to a
word which had just put him in such imminent peril. At length he said,
in a low tone,--
"He did, indeed."
"What connection had this with the duel?"
"As the representative of Captain Bragg, he proposed that you should
fight with broad-axes."
Botts sprang from the chair and overturned the table; and Wiggins,
apprehensive of another assault, jumped up and put himself in an
attitude of defense.
M. T. Pate, who was lingering in the corridor in trembling expectation
of another quarrel, rushed to the door, but it was bolted.
"Mr. Botts! Mr. Botts!" cried Pate.
"Go to the devil!" shouted Botts.
"Good heavens! what is to be done?" said Pate. "He has Wiggins locked in
the room, and will beat out his brains with a chair!"
"I'll break down the door and put strait-jackets on both of them!" said
the landlord, who had hurried back at the alarm given by Pate.
Botts now opened the door and assured the people in the corridor that
they were not fighting, but were as amicable as men could be. Having
received a similar assurance from Wiggins, Pate and the landlord had no
excuse for further interruption, and reluctantly retired; the landlord
shaking his head rather dubiously as he did so, and muttering something
about strait-jackets and lunatic asylums.
Botts closed and bolted the door, and then earnestly asked,--
"You certainly did not agree that I should fight Captain Bragg with a
broad-axe?"
"No, indeed!" said Wiggins. "With much difficulty I obtained from Mr.
Belton a compromise."
"What sort of a compromise?" asked Botts.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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