The Funny Philosophers, or Wags and Sweethearts. A NovelYellott, George
General
The Funny Philosophers, or Wags and Sweethearts. A Novel
Yellott, George
Fiction
The apothecary filled the bottle and handed it to his customer. Perch
returned to his room and proceeded to make preparations for his
departure from earth. He sat down and wrote a letter to the cruel
Imogen, in which he accused her of being the sole cause of his untimely
end. He directed another letter to his distinguished friend, M. T. Pate,
telling him that his sufferings were unendurable, and that he had been
driven by despair to the commission of the deed.
With a trembling hand the Long Green Boy then poured about half the
contents of the bottle into a goblet and hastily drank it off. He then
laid himself down on the bed, crossed his legs and folded his arms, and
prepared to die with decency. Instead of the lethal effects of the
laudanum which he had expected, he soon experienced a wonderful
exhilaration. The washstand in the corner of the room seemed to be
dancing a jig; there were now two lamps on the table instead of one; and
at last the room itself was in motion, and the Long Green Boy supposed
that the house was being moved about by an earthquake. In great
excitement he arose from the bed, and with the floor rocking and rolling
so that he could hardly stand on his feet, he staggered to the table,
and, seizing the bottle, swallowed its contents. With a revolving motion
he then reached the bed, sank down, and was soon in a state of profound
insensibility.
While the Long Green Boy thus lay in a stupor, M. T. Pate entered the
apartment. He endeavored to awaken the sleeper, but found it impossible
to do so, and seeing a letter on the table addressed to himself, he
opened it, and then, with a loud exclamation of horror, rushed from the
room.
CHAPTER XII.
The unhappy victim of unrequited love lay on his back, with his face
turned to the ceiling, and his arms folded over his bosom, as if waiting
for the undertaker to come and ascertain his measurement, when M. T.
Pate again entered the room, and, rushing to the side of the bed,
exclaimed, "Oh! oh! oh!"
Wiggins now burst into the room, and, looking at the recumbent and
motionless form on the bed, also exclaimed, "Oh! oh! oh!"
"What's the matter?" said Toney.
"He has killed himself!" said Wiggins.
"Great thunder!" said Tom.
"Has taken poison!" said Pate.
"Poison!" exclaimed Toney. "Run for a doctor, Tom! Tell him to bring a
stomach-pump! Run!"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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