The Funny Philosophers, or Wags and Sweethearts. A NovelYellott, George
General
The Funny Philosophers, or Wags and Sweethearts. A Novel
Yellott, George
Fiction
Tom Seddon rushed from the room in headlong haste, and running against
Botts in the corridor, hurled him down a stairway. The unlucky Botts, in
his night-garments, rolled over and over until he reached the bottom,
when he found himself among a number of females, who loudly shrieked and
fled in terror from the hideous apparition. Tom stopped not to inquire
if any bones were broken, but went off as fast as his legs could carry
him after a doctor to pump out the poison, while Botts rushed up the
stairway in his night-clothes, and put another party of females to
flight on the upper landing. He was followed into the apartment, where
poor Perch lay on the bed, by the landlord, who was in a towering rage.
"Mr. Botts!" shouted the landlord, shaking his ponderous fist at Botts,
who was leaning over the unfortunate Perch,--"Mr. Botts! what do you
mean by running about my house with no clothes on your----"
"Hush!" said Botts.
"Hush!" said Wiggins.
"For Heaven's sake, hush!" exclaimed Pate.
The landlord glared like an enraged lion at each of the speakers in
succession, and then advancing on Botts, seized him by the collar and
hurled him around until his fragile clothing was torn from his person,
and Botts fell over a trunk and sat in a corner of the room almost in a
state of complete nudity.
"You shameless, impudent, outrageous, ugly beast! do you think that I
will allow you to be running and racing about among the ladies in my
house like a naked savage?"
"Hold!" cried Wiggins.
"Respect the dead!" exclaimed Pate, pointing to poor Perch lying on the
bed.
"Who's dead?" said the landlord, looking aghast.
"Look there!" said Pate.
The landlord stepped forward and leaned over Perch.
"Who says he is dead?" asked Boniface.
"He has taken poison?" said Pate.
"A whole pint--enough to kill fifty men!" said Wiggins.
"He is drunk!" said the landlord.
"Shame! shame!" cried Pate.
"Insult the dead!" exclaimed Wiggins.
"He is drunk! I'll bet my hat on it!" said the landlord.
Here Tom Seddon rushed into the room, followed by a doctor carrying a
stomach-pump in his hand.
"Here, doctor! here!" exclaimed Pate. "Quick! quick!"
"Open his month," said the doctor.
Pate proceeded to obey instructions, and succeeded in opening the Long
Green Boy's mouth, but he unfortunately got his fingers in the orifice,
and the jaws closed firmly on them.
"Oh! oh! oh!" exclaimed Pate, with his forefinger between the teeth of
the dying man.
"Force his jaws open," said the doctor, holding the tube ready for
insertion.
"Oh! oh! oh! oh! gracious heavens!" exclaimed Pate.
Toney Belton, by an adroit use of his thumb, succeeded in opening the
jaws and releasing Pate, who danced about the room, exclaiming, "Oh!
oh! oh!" while the doctor hastily thrust the tube down his patient's
throat.
A quantity of fluid was pumped into a basin.
"What did you say he had taken?" inquired the doctor, examining the
contents of the basin.
"Laudanum!" said Wiggins. "A whole pint of it."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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