The Funny Philosophers, or Wags and Sweethearts. A NovelYellott, George
General
The Funny Philosophers, or Wags and Sweethearts. A Novel
Yellott, George
Fiction
"I know not," said Bragg. "He is missing. I have searched for him in
vain."
"He may have run away and escaped over Mason and Dixon's line," said the
Professor. "Could you not reclaim him under the fugitive slave law?"
"That monkey would never have run away, Mr. Tickle. I have fed him and
protected him, and he could never have been guilty of such gross folly
and base ingratitude."
"A negro, who is clothed and fed and protected, will occasionally run
off from a comfortable home, and why not a monkey?" said Seddon.
"A negro may run away from the mush-pot of his master because he is a
slave, and is impelled by a natural and laudable desire for liberty. But
my monkey was not a slave, Mr. Seddon. He was a friend and a companion.
Monkeys and apes, Mr. Tickle, have emotions and sentiments. All they
lack is the power of speech to give expression to their thoughts and
feelings."
"They sometimes, though rarely, have that faculty," said the Professor.
"On one occasion I heard a venerable baboon express himself in emphatic
and excellent English."
"Indeed!" said Bragg.
"It was in Kentucky," said the Professor, "There was a traveling
menagerie exhibiting in a small village. A number of negroes were
examining the baboon with much curiosity, and one of them insisted that
he could talk but would not, because if he did the white people would
put him to work, and he was too lazy to work. I was present and heard
the baboon indignantly exclaim, 'You lie, you ugly, nasty nigger! I am
not as lazy as you are! Begone! or I'll bite your nose off!' The
Africans tore a hole in the tent in their efforts to get out."
Here there was heard an uproar in the street and a crowd of boys was
seen approaching. One of them was carrying an animal, which he grasped
by the tail and held with its head hanging down.
"What is that?" asked Seddon.
"A dead monkey," said the boy. "We found him in the grove by the
fountain lying on his back in the bushes."
Bragg rushed forward and the boy dropped the monkey, which lay on the
ground with its hideous face turned upward.
"My monkey! my monkey!" exclaimed Bragg. He stooped down and examined
the dead body. Its skull had been cracked by a terrible blow which must
have produced instant death. "This monkey has been foully murdered! Oh,
that I knew the villain who perpetrated the bloody deed! Who killed my
monkey? I say who killed my monkey?" said Bragg.
"Botts!" said a voice apparently issuing from the mouth of the monkey.
Bragg started back with a look of amazement. The crowd of boys opened
and they fell back in awe and terror.
"Bill," said a boy to his companion, "that monkey spoke."
"True as preaching!" said Bill. "I heard it."
Bragg stood speechless for some minutes. Then, in solemn tones, he
exclaimed,--
"Gentlemen, did you not hear that?"
"What?" said Toney, who with Tom stood at a distance of some paces. "I
heard nothing."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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