The Funny Philosophers, or Wags and Sweethearts. A NovelYellott, George
General
The Funny Philosophers, or Wags and Sweethearts. A Novel
Yellott, George
Fiction
"Gracious goodness! thirty thousand dollars! We will be as rich as the
Widow Wild almost! Indeed, my love, you must buy a nice new carriage. I
don't like to ride to church on horseback and see the Widow Wild coming
in her carriage."
"And I want a hobby-horse," said one of the male cherubs.
"And I want a nice new doll," said a female cherub.
"Hush, you noisy brats!" said the angel. And she slapped the male cherub
on the side of the face, and in the operation overturned her cup, and
spilt the hot coffee on the female cherub's head. The two cherubs tried
the strength of their lungs; and Simon Rump arose from the table, and,
putting on his hat, opened the door to go forth and talk with his lawyer
about the big case.
The angel followed Simon to the porch and said,--
"Thirty thousand dollars! Oh, my! But how much are you to pay Mr. Pate?"
"One-tenth," said Simon.
"How much is that?" asked the mother of the cherubs.
"Three thousand dollars," said Simon.
"Three thousand dollars! Gracious! That is a heap of money to pay a
lawyer for talking to a jury for an hour."
"But Mr. Pate has to read all those big books. It would take me ten
years to read all those books; and then I would not understand what is
in them," said Simon, scratching his head.
"Three thousand dollars! How much will we have left?"
"Twenty-seven thousand dollars," said Simon.
"Twenty-seven thousand dollars! That is a heap of money! I must have a
brand-new carriage with eagles painted on its sides. I don't like to
ride to church on horseback."
"Before we were married I used to like to see you coming to church on
horseback," said Simon.
The mother of the cherubs bestowed a connubial kiss on Simon, who went
from his gate merrily whistling, as any man might who had an angel and
seven sweet little cherubs dwelling in his domicile, and expected soon
to get twenty-seven thousand dollars from a wealthy corporation.
Toney Belton had been occupied since his return to Mapleton in
preparation for the proper presentation of his case to the jury. His
distinguished adversary had composed a great speech to be delivered on
the occasion. Pate had determined to operate on the feelings and
prejudices of the jury, and thus obtain a verdict for the thirty
thousand dollars which he had confidently promised to his client Simon
Rump.
On the morning of the day on which the jury were to assemble on the
ground, Tom Seddon and the Professor arrived in the cars from Bella
Vista. The jury were conveyed to the ground in an omnibus in charge of
the sheriff. M. T. Pate arrived on Old Whitey, and, dismounting, tied
his steed to a tree, which the animal immediately commenced divesting of
its bark.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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