The Funny Philosophers, or Wags and Sweethearts. A NovelYellott, George
General
The Funny Philosophers, or Wags and Sweethearts. A Novel
Yellott, George
Fiction
The twelve peers deliberately walked over the ground, and having
carefully examined that portion of it through which the canal was to be
constructed, seated themselves on two benches, which had been prepared
for their accommodation, under the shade of a spreading beech. Simon
Rump's counsel was then informed that the jury were ready to hear his
argument.
"Pate is going to make a great speech," said Tom Seddon, as Pate drew
from his pocket a number of papers and laid them on a stump which he
used as a table. "With that black coat and white cravat he looks very
much like the picture of old John Bunyan in the Pilgrim's Progress."
"John Banyan was an eloquent man," said the Professor. "And from the
very profound and extremely solemn look of the advocate now preparing to
address the jury, I expect to listen to eloquence of the highest order.
Be ready with your handkerchief, Mr. Seddon, for or some burst of pathos
may find you wholly unprepared for the flood of tears which you will be
compelled to shed over the wrongs of Simon Rump."
"Hush!" said Tom Seddon, "Pate is wiping the top of his big bald head
with his handkerchief. He is about to begin."
"Mr. Seddon," said the Professor, "must I continually admonish you to
speak reverently of bald heads? Remember the she-bears!"
"Hush!" said Tom,--"listen!"
M. T. Pate spoke as follows:
"Gentlemen of the jury,--No more important case than this ever came
before a jury either of ancient or modern times. An outrage unparalleled
in the whole history of Christian jurisprudence is about to be
perpetrated upon my law-abiding, inoffensive, and patriotic client,
Simon Rump. And by whom? By a powerful, an overgrown, a gigantic
corporation! And, gentlemen, what is a corporation? It is defined by the
great Judge Marshall to be 'an artificial being, invisible, intangible,
and existing only in contemplation of law.' In addition to this, I
assert, that these corporations have neither souls to be saved nor
bodies to be damned. Gentlemen, we read of no such thing in the Bible as
a corporation. I have carefully searched the five books of Moses, from
Genesis to Deuteronomy, and I cannot find that God's chosen patriarchs,
Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, or Noah, ever chartered a single corporation.
Neither do we find that such monopolies were ever tolerated by David or
Solomon, or any of the kings or judges of Israel. And I challenge my
learned brother on the other side to produce from the whole of the New
Testament one single text in favor of corporations. Have I not, then, a
right to assert that these soulless corporations are not sanctioned by
the Christian religion, but are of heathen invention?
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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