The Funny Philosophers, or Wags and Sweethearts. A NovelYellott, George
General
The Funny Philosophers, or Wags and Sweethearts. A Novel
Yellott, George
Fiction
"Gentlemen, is it necessary for me to tell you who is the plaintiff in
this cause? Is there an individual now within the sound of my voice who
has not known and loved the name of Rump since the days of his boyhood?
Simon now lives upon the very spot where he was born, and where the
bones of his ancestors are buried. Few men can boast of so glorious a
lineage. His forefathers fought against the Frenchmen, the Indians, and
the British; and had Simon lived in those days, he would have fought as
valiantly as they did; for he is a worthy descendant of illustrious
sires.
"Gentlemen, if you have tears to shed, prepare to shed them now. A few
weeks ago a worthy farmer of your county, upon a bright, warm summer's
day, was seated by his own cheerful fire, with his venerable wife and
innocent little ones playing around him. There he sat with his head
proudly erect, for he knew that no mortal man could take from him one
foot of that sacred soil without his own free consent. But what it was
out of the power of mortal man to do he learned could be done by a
soulless corporation. Imagine the feelings of Simon Rump then, and
imagine the feelings of Simon Rump now. Imagine the feelings of Simon
Rump's venerable wife then, and imagine the feelings of Simon Rump's
venerable wife now. Imagine the feelings of Simon Rump's innocent
little ones then, and imagine the feelings of Simon Rump's innocent
little ones now.
"But, gentlemen, Simon Rump is not the only man, nor is Mrs. Rump the
only woman, nor are the innocent little Rumps the only children who will
be made to suffer from the outrage of this heathen defendant. A whole
community will be divided in twain. Permit this canal to be dug, and
will not your county be virtually divided as if into two separate
kingdoms? It is to be forty feet wide and six feet deep, and not one
word is said about bridges over it. What will be the consequences? Will
there not be a separation of friends and relatives; and what money can
compensate for that?
"Gentlemen of the jury, in behalf of Simon Rump; in behalf of Simon
Rump's venerable wife; in behalf of Simon Rump's innocent little ones;
in behalf of Simon Rump's friends and Simon Rump's neighbors; and in
behalf of an insulted and outraged community, I appeal to you by your
love of right and your abhorrence of wrong, and by your devotion to your
country, and your pride for your country, to inflict upon this soulless,
tyrannical, and heathen defendant such a tremendous verdict as will ever
hereafter operate as a shield to the weak and a warning to the proud."
"What do you think of that?" said Tom Seddon to the Professor when Pate
had concluded.
"Mr. Seddon, you might live longer than an antediluvian and never hear
such a speech again," said the Professor, with impressive solemnity.
"Toney will find it difficult to make a reply," said Tom.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
Reviews
Reviews
No reviews yet
Be the first to share your thoughts on this work.
Elsewhere in the archive
Join the Discussion
Join the discussion
Sign in to leave a comment or review.
Sign InorCreate an account