She followed me down the stairs. My senses were reeling with the
maddening fragrance of her presence. We walked through the Piazzetta and
Piazza di San Marco, through the narrow streets and across the bridges
till we arrived at the garden beside the canal. Arbors were illumined
with faery-lamps. It seemed a scene staged for a theatre rather than
a living actuality. Gondolas stole past the garden through the dusk.
Mysterious people alighted. Guitars tinkled. In tall mediaeval houses
rising opposite, lamps flashed and women looked down. As specters in
a dream, people leant above the bridge, gazed into the water, and
vanished. Venice walked with slippered feet and finger to lips that
night.
The silence shivered; a clear peal of laughter rippled on the air. We
turned. The girl with the young sea-god was entering the garden. They
seated themselves at a table near us--so near that we could watch their
expressions and overhear much that was said. It seemed they were fated
to goad us on and make us ambitious of attaining their happiness.
Fiesole stretched out her hands. I smiled and took them, holding them
palms up. “They’re like petals of pink roses,” I said.
Her face was laughing. “Do you think I’m pretty?”
“I’ve always thought that, and you know it--ever since you wouldn’t kiss
me in Sneard’s garden.”
“It was you who wouldn’t ask to be kissed,” she pouted. “What you could
have, you didn’t value. It’s the same now.”
Her hands quivered; her lips became piteous. All the wild commotion
of her heart seemed to travel through them to myself. My throat became
suddenly parched.
“You know how it is, Fiesole. It isn’t that I haven’t affection for you;
but to do that kind of thing, if I don’t intend to make you more to me,
wouldn’t be fair.”
“But if I want it? What if I were to tell you, Dante, that you’re the
only man I’ve ever cared for? What if I were to tell you that you’ve
always been first in my heart, ever since we first met?”
I looked away from her to the street of water. I had nothing with which
to answer. She tried to drag her hands from me, but still I held them.
“Dante,” she whispered, “look at me.” Her voice grew fainter. “I’m not
speaking of marriage. Two people can be kind to one another without
that.”
“And have I been unkind?”
She turned from my question. “You can never marry her,” she said. “You
know that.”
A long silence elapsed, which was broken by voices of the girl and
her lover at the neighboring table. Fiesole spoke again. “They’re not
married. They never will be married. And yet they can share with one
another one little corner of their lives.”
“For me it’s all or nothing,” I said. “If it wasn’t all, I should be
forever thinking of the end. That’s how I’m made--it’s my training. If I
did anything to you, Fiesole, that wounded you ever so little, I should
hate myself. Wherever you were, I should be thinking of you--wanting
to leave everything to come to you. I can’t forget. My conscience would
give me no rest.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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