Through weakness I was powerless to speak or stir, yet my swimming
senses were anxiously alert. I saw objects without their perspective,
as though I were gazing up through water. In the same way with sounds,
I heard them thunderously and waited in suspense for their repetition.
Though I lay so still, nothing missed my attention.
By the quietness of the house I gathered that the hour was yet early.
Far away cocks crew their rural challenge. On a road near by footsteps
passed in a hurry. The whistle of a factory sounded; then I knew
they had been footsteps of people going to work. Beneath the window a
garden-roller clanged across gravel, and became muffled as it reached
the turf. A door banged remotely; a few seconds later someone tapped on
the door of my bedroom. The nurse laid aside her knitting and rustled
over to the threshold. A question was asked in a low whisper and the
nurse’s voice answered.
A woman entered into the bar of sunlight and stood regarding me from the
foot of the bed. With the immense indifference of weakness I gazed back.
Her long, fine-spun hair hung loose about her shoulders like a mantle.
She wore a blue dressing-gown, which she held together with one hand
across her breast. Her eyes were still sleepy; she had come directly she
had wakened to inquire after me. She smiled at me, nodding her head.
She seemed very distant; I wanted to return her smile, but I had not the
energy. I closed my eyes; when I looked again she had vanished.
For the next few days I do not know how many people came and looked
at me, whispered a few words and went. There was the old gray-haired
doctor, with his military-bearing and his trick of pursing his lips and
knitting his brows as he took my temperature. I had one visitor who was
regular--Randall Carpenter. He looked years older. Tiptoeing into the
room, he would seat himself in the bay-window; from there he would gaze
at me moodily without a word, with his knees spread apart, and his podgy
hands clasped together. Sometimes I would doze while he watched me and
would awake to find him still there, his position unaltered. One thing I
noticed; Vi and he were never in my room together.
In these first days, which slipped by uncounted, I realized that I had
been very near to death. It seemed to me that my spirit still hovered on
the borderland and looked back across the boundary half-regretful. I had
the feeling that life was a thing apart from me--something which I was
unanxious to share. All these people came and went, but I could not
respond to them. I desired only to be undisturbed.
Several times I had heard the shrill piping voice of Dorrie and the long
low _hush_ of someone warning her to speak less loudly. She would come
to the door many times in the day, inquiring impatiently whether I were
better. Sometimes she would leave flowers, which the nurse would put in
water and set down by the side of my bed. I would watch them dreamily,
saying to myself, “Dorrie’s flowers.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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