"It is therefore incumbent upon me, not in satisfaction of your
curiosity, my dear Laurence, but in satisfaction of my own sense of
rectitude, that I should accept this opportunity of stating the
following facts. I inherited this property--as you will shortly inherit
it--from an uncle, a man very much my senior. I had prosecuted my
studies abroad, in the learned centres of Germany and France, from an
early age. My acquaintance with my uncle was slight. I knew little of
his private life. But I had reason to believe him a person of an
undisciplined mind, imbued with the extravagant socialistic views
current during the French Revolution, unbridled alike in passions of
love and of hate. Questions of character have never interested me; I
therefore made no further inquiry regarding my predecessor's private
life. My own tastes and habits were already fixed. I settled myself here
and continued the studies in experimental physics, philology, and
metaphysics, in which I had already engaged. I also added to the
collection of pictures and objects of art that I found in the house. My
life has been blameless, as most men count blame. I can assert, without
fear of contradiction, that my moral and intellectual integrity have
been complete. Only in one connection have I been guilty, have I
failed--failed, as I now confess, miserably and grossly."
Mr. Rivers paused a moment. His fingers twitched as they rested upon the
crystal skull.
"Miserably and grossly," he repeated. "The vulgar gossip which you have
heard rests upon a basis of truth. I cannot deny the existence of
supernatural manifestations, so called, in one quarter of this house.
They are undeniable. I have witnessed them myself."
Laurence felt a queer shiver of excitement run through him. He sat very
still.--"Then I wasn't asleep after all," he said to himself, "in that
room last night."
"The said manifestations were not only disturbing and distasteful to me;
but I perceived that their existence threatened the validity of some of
my most carefully reasoned hypotheses, of some of my most ardently
cherished beliefs. Of vulgar physical fear, I need hardly tell you, I
was incapable; but I trembled before a dislocation of my thought. It
followed that I became guilty of an act of flagrant mental cowardice. I
refused to submit those manifestations to scientific investigation. I
never mentioned them to my correspondents. I took elaborate precautions
against ever witnessing them again myself. I made a determined effort to
erase the memory of them from my mind. I almost succeeded in forgetting
that I ever had witnessed them. Thus I tricked my own intelligence. I
lied to my own experience. I committed a crime against my own reason--a
crime which I can never hope to expiate."
Moved by the passion of the elder man's self-denunciation, Laurence had
risen, and stood close to him.
"Ah! surely you take it too hard--far too hard, sir," he said.
But Mr. Rivers, looking up at him, answered sternly--
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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