The Girl on the BoatWodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
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The Girl on the Boat
Wodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
Children of the rich -- Fiction; Golf stories; Humorous stories; Man-woman relationships -- Fiction
“I want to tell you all about that,” he said.
“It’s the most astonishing story. A miracle, you might almost call it.
Makes you believe in Fate and all that kind of thing. A week ago I was
on the Subway in New York....”
He broke off while Sam cursed him, the Subway, and the city of New York
in the order named.
“My dear chap, what is the matter?”
“What is the matter? Ha!”
“Something is the matter,” persisted Eustace Hignett. “I can tell it by
your manner. Something has happened to disturb and upset you. I know
you so well that I can pierce the mask. What is it? Tell me!”
“Ha, ha!”
“You surely can’t still be brooding on that concert business? Why,
that’s all over. I take it that after my departure you made the most
colossal ass of yourself, but why let that worry you? These things
cannot affect one permanently.”
“Can’t they? Let me tell you that, as a result of that concert, my
engagement is broken off.”
Eustace sprang forward with outstretched hand.
“Not really? How splendid! Accept my congratulations! This is the
finest thing that could possibly have happened. These are not idle
words. As one who has been engaged to the girl himself, I speak
feelingly. You are well out of it, Sam.”
Sam thrust aside his hand. Had it been his neck he might have clutched
it eagerly, but he drew the line at shaking hands with Eustace Hignett.
“My heart is broken,” he said with dignity.
“That feeling will pass, giving way to one of devout thankfulness. I
know. I’ve been there. After all ... Wilhelmina Bennett ... what is
she? A rag and a bone and a hank of hair!”
“She is nothing of the kind,” said Sam, revolted.
“Pardon me,” said Eustace firmly, “I speak as an expert. I know her and
I repeat, she is a rag and a bone and a hank of hair!”
“She is the only girl in the world, and, owing to your idiotic
behaviour, I have lost her.”
“You speak of the only girl in the world,” said Eustace blithely. “If
you want to hear about the only girl in the world, I will tell you. A
week ago I was on the Subway in New York....”
“I’m going to bed,” said Sam brusquely.
“All right. I’ll tell you while you’re undressing.”
“I don’t want to listen.”
“A week ago,” said Eustace Hignett, “I will ask you to picture me
seated after some difficulty in a carriage in the New York Subway. I
got into conversation with a girl with an elephant gun.”
Sam revised his private commination service in order to include the
elephant gun.
“She was my soul-mate,” proceeded Eustace with quiet determination. “I
didn’t know it at the time, but she was. She had grave brown eyes, a
wonderful personality, and this elephant gun.”
“Did she shoot you with it?”
“Shoot me? What do you mean? Why, no!”
“The girl must have been a fool!” said Sam bitterly. “The chance of a
lifetime and she missed it. Where are my pyjamas?”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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