The Girl on the BoatWodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
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The Girl on the Boat
Wodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
Children of the rich -- Fiction; Golf stories; Humorous stories; Man-woman relationships -- Fiction
“I haven’t seen your pyjamas. She talked to me about this elephant gun,
and explained its mechanism. She told me the correct part of a
hippopotamus to aim at, how to make a nourishing soup out of mangoes,
and what to do when bitten by a Borneo wire-snake. You can imagine how
she soothed my aching heart. My heart, if you recollect, was aching at
the moment—quite unnecessarily if I had only known—because it was only
a couple of days since my engagement to Wilhelmina Bennett had been
broken off. Well, we parted at Sixty-sixth Street, and, strange as it
may seem, I forgot all about her.”
“Do it again!”
“Tell it again?”
“Good heavens, no! Forget all about her again.”
“Nothing,” said Eustace Hignett gravely, “could make me do that. Our
souls have blended. Our beings have called to one another from their
deepest depths, saying.... There are your pyjamas, over in the corner
... saying ‘You are mine!’ How could I forget her after that? Well, as
I was saying, we parted. Little did I know that she was sailing on this
very boat! But just now she came to me as I writhed on the deck....”
“Did you writhe?” asked Sam with a flicker of moody interest.
“I certainly did!”
“That’s good!”
“But not for long.”
“That’s bad!”
“She came to me and healed me. Sam, that girl is an angel.”
“Switch off the light when you’ve finished.”
“She seemed to understand without a word how I was feeling. There are
some situations which do not need words. She went away and returned
with a mixture of some description in a glass. I don’t know what it
was. It had Worcester Sauce in it. She put it to my lips. She made me
drink it. She said it was what she always used in Africa for
bull-calves with the staggers. Well, believe me or believe me not ...
are you asleep?”
“Yes.”
“Believe me or believe me not, in under two minutes I was not merely
freed from the nausea caused by your cigar. I was smoking myself! I was
walking the deck with her without the slightest qualm. I was even able
to look over the side from time to time and comment on the beauty of
the moon on the water.... I have said some mordant things about women
since I came on board this boat. I withdraw them unreservedly. They
still apply to girls like Wilhelmina Bennett, but I have ceased to
include the whole sex in my remarks. Jane Hubbard has restored my faith
in Woman. Sam! Sam!”
“What?”
“I said that Jane Hubbard had restored my faith in Woman.”
“Oh, all right.”
Eustace Hignett finished undressing and got into bed. With a soft smile
on his face he switched off the light. There was a long silence, broken
only by the distant purring of the engines.
At about twelve-thirty a voice came from the lower berth.
“Sam!”
“What is it now?”
“There is a sweet womanly strength about her, Sam. She was telling me
she once killed a panther with a hat-pin.”
Sam groaned and tossed on his mattress.
Silence fell again.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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