The Girl on the BoatWodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
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The Girl on the Boat
Wodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
Children of the rich -- Fiction; Golf stories; Humorous stories; Man-woman relationships -- Fiction
“At least I think it was a panther,” said Eustace Hignett at a quarter
past one. “Either a panther or a puma.”
CHAPTER VIII.
SIR MALLABY OFFERS A SUGGESTION
§ 1
A week after the liner “Atlantic” had docked at Southampton Sam Marlowe
might have been observed—and was observed by various of the
residents—sitting on a bench on the esplanade of that rising
watering-place, Bingley-on-the-Sea, in Sussex. All watering-places on
the south coast of England are blots on the landscape, but though I am
aware that by saying it I shall offend the civic pride of some of the
others—none are so peculiarly foul as Bingley-on-the-Sea. The asphalte
on the Bingley esplanade is several degrees more depressing than the
asphalte on other esplanades. The Swiss waiters at the Hotel
Magnificent, where Sam was stopping, are in a class of bungling
incompetence by themselves, the envy and despair of all the other Swiss
waiters at all the other Hotels Magnificent along the coast. For
dreariness of aspect Bingley-on-the-Sea stands alone. The very waves
that break on its shingle seem to creep up the beach reluctantly, as if
it revolted them to have to come to such a place.
Why, then, was Sam Marlowe visiting this ozone-swept Gehenna? Why, with
all the rest of England at his disposal, had he chosen to spend a week
at breezy, blighted Bingley?
Simply because he had been disappointed in love.
Nothing is more curious than the myriad ways in which reaction from an
unfortunate love-affair manifests itself in various men. No two males
behave in the same way under the spur of female fickleness.
_Archilochum_, for instance, according to the Roman writer, _proprio
rabies armavit iambo_. It is no good pretending out of politeness that
you know what that means, so I will translate. _Rabies_—his
grouch—_armavit_—armed—_Archilochum_— Archilochus—_iambo_—with the
iambic—_proprio_—his own invention. In other words, when the poet
Archilochus was handed his hat by the lady of his affections, he
consoled himself by going off and writing satirical verse about her in
a new metre which he had thought up immediately after leaving the
house. That was the way the thing affected him.
On the other hand, we read in a recent issue of a London daily paper
that John Simmons (31), a meat-salesman, was accused of assaulting an
officer while in the discharge of his duty, at the same time using
profane language whereby the officer went in fear of his life.
Constable Riggs deposed that on the evening of the eleventh instant
while he was on his beat, prisoner accosted him and, after offering to
fight him for fourpence, drew off his right boot and threw it at his
head. Accused, questioned by the magistrate, admitted the charge and
expressed regret, pleading that he had had words with his young woman,
and it had upset him.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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