The Girl on the BoatWodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
General
The Girl on the Boat
Wodehouse, P. G. (Pelham Grenville)
Children of the rich -- Fiction; Golf stories; Humorous stories; Man-woman relationships -- Fiction
Mrs. Hignett strode to the door with a forbidding expression. This, as
she had justly remarked, was intolerable. She remembered Bream
Mortimer. He was the son of the Mr. Mortimer who wanted Windles. This
visit could only have to do with the subject of Windles, and she went
into the dining-room in a state of cold fury, determined to squash the
Mortimer family, in the person of their New York representative, once
and for all.
“Good morning, Mr. Mortimer.”
Bream Mortimer was tall and thin. He had small bright eyes and a
sharply curving nose. He looked much more like a parrot than most
parrots do. It gave strangers a momentary shock of surprise when they
saw Bream Mortimer in restaurants, eating roast beef. They had the
feeling that he would have preferred sunflower seeds.
“Morning, Mrs. Hignett.”
“Please sit down.”
Bream Mortimer looked as though he would rather have hopped on to a
perch, but he sat down. He glanced about the room with gleaming,
excited eyes.
“Mrs. Hignett, I must have a word with you alone!”
“You _are_ having a word with me alone.”
“I hardly know how to begin.”
“Then let me help you. It is quite impossible. I will never consent.”
Bream Mortimer started.
“Then you have heard about it?”
“I have heard about nothing else since I met Mr. Bennett in London. Mr.
Bennett talked about nothing else. Your father talked about nothing
else. And now,” cried Mrs. Hignett, fiercely, “you come and try to
re-open the subject. Once and for all, nothing will alter my decision.
No money will induce me to let my house.”
“But I didn’t come about that!”
“You did not come about Windles?”
“Good Lord, no!”
“Then will you kindly tell me why you have come?”
Bream Mortimer seemed embarrassed. He wriggled a little, and moved his
arms as if he were trying to flap them.
“You know,” he said, “I’m not a man who butts into other people’s
affairs....” He stopped.
“No?” said Mrs. Hignett.
Bream began again.
“I’m not a man who gossips with valets....”
“No?”
“I’m not a man who....”
Mrs. Hignett was never a very patient woman.
“Let us take all your negative qualities for granted,” she said curtly.
“I have no doubt that there are many things which you do not do. Let us
confine ourselves to issues of definite importance. What is it, if you
have no objection to concentrating your attention on that for a moment,
that you wish to see me about?”
“This marriage.”
“What marriage?”
“Your son’s marriage.”
“My son is not married.”
“No, but he’s going to be. At eleven o’clock this morning at the Little
Church Round the Corner!”
Mrs. Hignett stared.
“Are you mad?”
“Well, I’m not any too well pleased, I’m bound to say,” admitted Mr.
Mortimer. “You see, darn it all, I’m in love with the girl myself!”
“Who is this girl?”
“Have been for years. I’m one of those silent, patient fellows who hang
around and look a lot but never tell their love....”
“Who is this girl who has entrapped my son?”
“I’ve always been one of those men who....”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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