HOTEL KEEPER. What do you want up there? Aren't you satisfied? Didn't I have you taken off at night? UNKNOWN MAN. Well, I should say so. You think I'd be hanging here nights, too! HOTEL OWNER. Then you can stand it a few minutes longer. The people are bored-- TALL TOURIST. Say, have you any idea of what you have done? Do you realize the enormity of it? You are scoundrels, who for your own sordid personal ends have impiously exploited the finest human sentiment, love of one's neighbor. You have caused us to undergo fear and suffering. You have poisoned our hearts with pity. And now, what is the upshot of it all? The upshot is that this scamp, your vile accomplice, is bound to the rock and not only will he not fall as everybody expects, but he _can't_. MILITARY WOMAN. What is the matter? He has got to fall. TOURIST. Policeman! Policeman! (The pastor enters, out of breath.) PASTOR. What? Is he still living? Oh, there he is! What fakirs those Salvationists are. VOICES. Don't you know that he is bound? PASTOR. Bound! Bound to what? To life? Well, we are all bound to life until death snaps the cord. But whether he is bound or not bound, I reconciled him with heaven, and that's enough. But those fakirs-- TOURIST. Policeman! Policeman, you must draw up an official report. There is no way out of it. MILITARY WOMAN (going for the hotel owner). I will not allow myself to be fooled. I saw an aeronaut drop from the clouds and go crash upon a roof. I saw a tiger tear a woman to pieces-- PHOTOGRAPHER. I spoiled three films photographing that scamp. You will have to answer for this, sir. I will hold you responsible. TOURIST. An official report! An official report! Such a bare-faced deception. Mary, Jimmie, Aleck, Charlie, call a policeman. HOTEL KEEPER (drawing back, in despair). But, I can't make him fall if he doesn't want to. I did everything in my power, ladies and gentlemen! MILITARY WOMAN. I will not allow it. HOTEL KEEPER. Excuse me. I promise you on my word of honor that the next time he will fall. But he doesn't want to, to-day. UNKNOWN MAN. What's that? What did you say about the next time? HOTEL KEEPER. You shut up there! UNKNOWN MAN. For ten dollars? PASTOR. Pray, what impudence! I just made his peace with heaven when he was in danger of his life. You have heard him threatening to fall on my head, haven't you? And still he is dissatisfied. Adulterer, thief, murderer, coveter of your neighbor's ass-- PHOTOGRAPHER. Ladies and gentlemen, an ass! SECOND PHOTOGRAPHER. Where, where is an ass? PHOTOGRAPHER (calmed). I thought I heard one. SECOND PHOTOGRAPHER. It is you who are an ass. I have become cross-eyed on account of your shouting: "An ass! An ass!" MARY (wearily). Papa, children, look! A policeman is coming. (Excitement and noise. On one side a crowd pulling a policeman, on the other the hotel keeper; both keep crying: "Excuse me! Excuse me!") TOURIST. Policeman, there he is, the fakir, the swindler.