MR PERKINS Bosh! MISS PERKINS Oh, very well, Pa. [_Miss Perkins settles to her puzzle. Mrs Perkins darns stolidly. Mr Perkins returns to the paper. A short pause._ MRS PERKINS Well, it’s too late for the movies now. MISS PERKINS Ah! That’s it. [_She finds the missing bit._ MRS PERKINS What’s in the paper, Pa? MR PERKINS There’s a Cabinet crisis. MRS PERKINS Isn’t there anythin’ interestin’? MR PERKINS ’Ere’s a child stole a shillin’ an’ swallowed it t’ escape detection. MRS PERKINS Poor thing! MR PERKINS ’Ere! Is this more in your line? Great Jewel Robbery! The Grand Cham’s Diamond missing. MRS PERKINS Eh! What’s that? MISS PERKINS Who is the Grand Cham? MR PERKINS ’E’s--one o’ them Eastern potentates. ’E’s been stayin’ at the Majestic Hotel. The dimond was taken out of the settin’ and a walnut substituted. MRS PERKINS A walnut! It must be a whopper. MISS PERKINS Why did they substitute a walnut? MR PERKINS You must substitute somethin’. MISS PERKINS Why? MR PERKINS I don’t know. They always do. The brightest treasure of the East. Not the slightest trace. Supposed Asiatic gang. Sherlock Holmes and Father Brown have been summoned and a telegram despatched to Mossier Lecock. MRS PERKINS (_With satisfaction._) Well, that’s somethin’ like. MISS PERKINS What’s it worth? MR PERKINS Eh! I dunno. Thousands, thousands. They say it makes the Koh-i-noor take a back seat. MRS PERKINS Reelly? MR PERKINS What ’ud you do, old lady, if I brought it ’ome for y’r birthday? MRS PERKINS Well, I’d wear it, I s’pose. MISS PERKINS You’d never dare, Ma. MRS PERKINS I would that. MISS PERKINS But thieves’d always be after it. MRS PERKINS What ’d these thieves do with it when they’ve got it? MR PERKINS I s’pose they chop it up and sell it in bits. MRS PERKINS What a shame! MR PERKINS I dessay they’re off to South America. MRS PERKINS Why? MR PERKINS No extrydition. MRS PERKINS What’s that? D’ y’ mean last ’dition extra? MISS PERKINS No, Ma. It means that thieves can’t be turned out. MRS PERKINS Why not? MR PERKINS It’s like it used to be with slaves here. Once the South American flag’s waved over ’em, they’re all right. MISS PERKINS It isn’t all one country there, Pa. MR PERKINS Well, I reckon they’re much of a muchness. MRS PERKINS An’ could you sell it there? MR PERKINS Yes, they’re great people for jewl’ry. MRS PERKINS Polly, you’re doin’ nothin’. Y’ might as well be mendin’ that blind. MISS PERKINS Oh, bother! MRS PERKINS It looks bad hangin’ down like that. MISS PERKINS (_Going towards the window._) People’ll see in. MRS PERKINS There’s not many passin’ at this time o’ night. MISS PERKINS It makes it so public. (_She takes the blind from the lower part of the window and begins to mend it._) Where’s the white thread, Ma? MRS PERKINS Here y’ are. Now, make a job of it.