Nor were my discoveries the only profit I had brought back from my
journey. A firmer confidence in myself; a more obdurate determination;
a certain newly realised sense of humour--these were to be included in
the gains. I felt a reinvigorated sense of mastery, a larger grasp of
the world; I felt an insolent sense of security in Luck’s favouritism;
I felt somehow like a weasel that watches a rickyard from cover. How I
could make the rats squeal and run if once I elected to show myself in
the open! I was in a very detestable humour, that is the truth.
On the morning after my return I took a long stroll round about the
skirts of the estate, beginning with the “bare ruined choirs” of the
woodlands, and coming round by Hags Lane, where the hawthorns had been
stripped stark by the wrecking winds. Winter, with all its moan and
mystery, shivered upon the air; the sheep on the pastures seemed to
crop, with haunted ears pricked to it; there was a stiffness as of
dread expectation over all the land.
To the many figures which danced and crowded into my mind throughout
that lonely tramp, the figure of the girl whom I had hated and scorned
would sometimes, my scorn despite, add itself. It even became, all at
once, a persistent demon, thrusting itself forward, pleading for a
monopoly of my attention. An impudent, outrageous claim. What was the
creature to me, or I to her, in this play of “leading parts”? My
concern was with the real actors and actresses--not with the skipping
figurante, who came to fill the interludes of scene-shifting. This
Ira, good Lord, of the Hebraic name! Was she a “watcher,” as her name
implied? Perhaps she was; perhaps--all in an instant the thought
struck me: what if she were Lady Skene’s spy--the agent of a guilty
conscience, deputed to discover the reasons for my withdrawal from its
control?
The thought was so sudden, so ineffable, that it made me gasp. She had
been down to my lodge during my absence, that I knew. The signs of her
woman’s handiwork there were unmistakable. I will even admit that my
instant recognition of them had given me an odd little thrill,
compound of triumph and something like pity. That she should have
continued true to her principles of expiation, though I was not there
to witness, had gone some little way towards forcing from me a
grudging belief in her sincerity. But now!--if there was all the time
a method in her humility!
On the thought, the memory of my altar came into my mind. Had I been
already fool enough, in my boasted emancipation, to give my case away
to a spy? I hurried, with all speed, back to my den--and there was the
girl standing before the picture.
She had on a blue-sprigged apron with a tucker. A broom was in her
hand, and her furs and jacket were thrown upon a chair. She turned
round instantly upon hearing me, and her face flew pink with some
sudden emotion.
“Richard!” she said, pointing to the caricature. “What on earth is the
meaning of that?”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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