Autobiographical fiction; France -- Social life and customs -- Fiction
us so vague, so fatal a semblance that, powerless to explain or even to
locate it, we imagined that there was no possibility of its being
healed. As I made my way to the restaurant I said to myself: “A
fortnight already since I last saw Mme. de Guermantes.” A fortnight
which did not appear so enormous an interval save to me, who, when Mme.
de Guermantes was concerned, reckoned time by minutes. For me it was no
longer the stars and the breeze merely, but the arithmetical divisions
of time that assumed a dolorous and poetic aspect. Each day now was like
the loose crest of a crumbling mountain, down one side of which I felt
that I could descend into oblivion, but down the other was borne by the
necessity of seeing the Duchess again. And I was continually inclining
one way or the other, having no stable equilibrium. One day I said to
myself: “Perhaps there will be a letter to-night;” and on entering the
dining-room I found courage to ask Saint-Loup:
“You don’t happen to have had any news from Paris?”
“Yes,” he replied gloomily; “bad news.”
I breathed a sigh of relief when I realised that it was only he who was
unhappy, and that the news came from his mistress. But I soon saw that
one of its consequences would be to prevent Robert, for ever so long,
from taking me to see his aunt.
I learned that a quarrel had broken out between him and his mistress,
through the post presumably, unless she had come down to pay him a
flying visit between trains. And the quarrels, even when relatively
slight, which they had previously had, had always seemed as though they
must prove insoluble. For she was a girl of violent temper, who would
stamp her foot and burst into tears for reasons as incomprehensible as
those that make children shut themselves into dark cupboards, not come
out for dinner, refuse to give any explanation, and only redouble their
sobs when, our patience exhausted, we visit them with a whipping. To say
that Saint-Loup suffered terribly from this estrangement would be an
understatement of the truth, which would give the reader a false
impression of his grief. When he found himself alone, the only picture
in his mind being that of his mistress parting from him with the respect
which she had felt for him at the sight of his energy, the anxieties
which he had had at first gave way before the irreparable, and the
cessation of an anxiety is so pleasant a thing that the rupture, once it
was certain, assumed for him something of the same kind of charm as a
reconciliation. What he began to suffer from, a little later, was a
secondary and accidental grief, the tide of which flowed incessantly
from his own heart, at the idea that perhaps she would be glad to make
it up, that it was not inconceivable that she was waiting for a word
from him, that in the mean time, to be avenged on him, she would perhaps
on a certain evening, in a certain place, do a certain thing, and that
he had only to telegraph to her that he was coming for it not to happen,
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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