Autobiographical fiction; France -- Social life and customs -- Fiction
This afternoon, alas, at Doncières, the miracle did not occur. When I
reached the post office, my grandmother’s call had already been
received; I stepped into the box; the line was engaged; some one was
talking who probably did not realise that there was nobody to answer
him, for when I raised the receiver to my ear, the lifeless block began
squeaking like Punchinello; I silenced it, as one silences a puppet, by
putting it back on its hook, but, like Punchinello, as soon as I took it
again in my hand, it resumed its gabbling. At length, giving it up as
hopeless, by hanging up the receiver once and for all, I stifled the
convulsions of this vociferous stump which kept up its chatter until the
last moment, and went in search of the operator, who told me to wait a
little; then I spoke, and, after a few seconds of silence, suddenly I
heard that voice which I supposed myself, mistakenly, to know so well;
for always until then, every time that my grandmother had talked to me,
I had been accustomed to follow what she was saying on the open score of
her face, in which the eyes figured so largely; but her voice itself I
was hearing this afternoon for the first time. And because that voice
appeared to me to have altered in its proportions from the moment that
it was a whole, and reached me in this way alone and without the
accompaniment of her face and features, I discovered for the first time
how sweet that voice was; perhaps, too, it had never been so sweet, for
my grandmother, knowing me to be alone and unhappy, felt that she might
let herself go in the outpouring of an affection which, on her principle
of education, she usually restrained and kept hidden. It was sweet, but
also how sad it was, first of all on account of its very sweetness, a
sweetness drained almost—more than any but a few human voices can ever
have been—of every element of resistance to others, of all selfishness;
fragile by reason of its delicacy it seemed at every moment ready to
break, to expire in a pure flow of tears; then, too, having it alone
beside me, seen, without the mask of her face, I noticed for the first
time the sorrows that had scarred it in the course of a lifetime.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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