Autobiographical fiction; France -- Social life and customs -- Fiction
had had neither the courage nor the power to prevent it, and it would
have been too painful for me, by saying any good of their victim, to
approximate to a gratification of the lust for cruelty the sentiments
which animated the tormentors who had strangled this career in its
infancy.
But the opening scene of this afternoon’s performance interested me in
quite another way. It made me realise in part the nature of the illusion
of which Saint-Loup was a victim with regard to Rachel, and which had
set a gulf between the images that he and I respectively had in mind of
his mistress, when we beheld her that morning among the blossoming pear
trees. Rachel was playing a part which involved barely more than her
walking on in the little play. But seen thus, she was another woman. She
had one of those faces to which distance—and not necessarily that
between stalls and stage, the world being in this respect only a larger
theatre—gives form and outline and which, seen close at hand, dissolve
back into dust. Standing beside her one saw only a nebula, a milky way
of freckles, of tiny spots, nothing more. At a proper distance, all this
ceased to be visible and, from cheeks that withdrew, were reabsorbed
into her face, rose like a crescent moon a nose so fine, so pure that
one would have liked to be the object of Rachel’s attention, to see her
again as often as one chose, to keep her close to one, provided that one
had not already seen her differently and at close range. This was not my
case but it had been Saint-Loup’s when he first saw her on the stage.
Then he had asked himself how he might approach her, how come to know
her, there had opened in him a whole fairy realm—that in which she
lived—from which emanated an exquisite radiance but into which he might
not penetrate. He had left the theatre telling himself that it would be
madness to write to her, that she would not answer his letter, quite
prepared to give his fortune and his name for the creature who was
living in him in a world so vastly superior to those too familiar
realities, a world made beautiful by desire and dreams of happiness,
when at the back of the theatre, a little old building which had itself
the air of being a piece of scenery, from the stage door he saw debouch
the gay and daintily hatted band of actresses who had just been playing.
Young men who knew them were waiting for them outside. The number of
pawns on the human chessboard being less than the number of combinations
that they are capable of forming, in a theatre from which are absent all
the people we know and might have expected to find, there turns up one
whom we never imagined that we should see again and who appears so
opportunely that the coincidence seems to us providential, although no
doubt some other coincidence would have occurred in its stead had we
been not in that place but in some other, where other desires would have
been aroused and we should have met some other old acquaintance to help
us to satisfy them.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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