Autobiographical fiction; France -- Social life and customs -- Fiction
stratagem—repeated the same plaints, accompanying them with explanations
which gave a different sense, retrospectively, to those which my mother
might have overheard:
“Oh! My dear, it’s dreadful to have to stay in bed on a beautiful sunny
day like this when one wants to be out in the air; I am crying with rage
at your orders.”
But she could not get rid of the look of anguish in her eyes, the sweat
on her brow, the convulsive start, checked at once, of her limbs.
“There is nothing wrong. I’m complaining because I’m not lying very
comfortably. I feel my hair is untidy, my heart is bad, I knocked myself
against the wall.”
And my mother, at the foot of the bed, rivetted to that suffering form,
as though, by dint of piercing with her gaze that pain-bedewed brow,
that body which hid the evil thing within it, she could have succeeded
in reaching that evil thing and carrying it away, my mother said:
“No, no, Mamma dear, we won’t let you suffer like that, we will find
something to take it away, have patience just for a moment; let me give
you a kiss, darling—no, you’re not to move.”
And stooping over the bed, with bended knees, almost kneeling on the
ground, as though by an exercise of humility she would have a better
chance of making acceptable the impassioned gift of herself, she lowered
towards my grandmother her whole life contained in her face as in a
ciborium which she extended over her, adorned in relief with dimples and
folds so passionate, so sorrowful, so sweet that one knew not whether
they had been carved by the chisel of a kiss, a sob or a smile. My
grandmother, also, tried to lift up her face to Mamma’s. It was so
altered that probably, had she been strong enough to go out, she would
have been recognised only by the feather in her hat. Her features, like
the clay in a sculptor’s hands, seemed to be straining, with an effort
which distracted her from everything else, to conform to some particular
model which we failed to identify. This business of modelling was now
almost finished, and if my grandmother’s face had shrunk in the process
it had at the same time hardened. The veins that ran beneath its surface
seemed those not of a piece of marble but of some more rugged stone.
Constantly thrust forwards by the difficulty that she found in breathing
and as constantly forced back on to her pillow by exhaustion, her face,
worn, diminished, terribly expressive, seemed like, in a primitive,
almost prehistoric carving, the rude, flushed, purplish, desperate face
of some savage guardian of a tomb. But the whole task was not yet
accomplished. Next, her resistance must be overcome, and that tomb, the
entrance to which she had so painfully guarded, with that tense
contraction, entered.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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