Autobiographical fiction; France -- Social life and customs -- Fiction
Before going to bed I decided to leave the room in order to explore the
whole of my fairy kingdom. I walked down a long gallery which did me
homage successively with all that it had to offer me if I could not
sleep, an armchair placed waiting in a corner, a spinet, on a table
against the wall, a bowl of blue crockery filled with cinerarias, and,
in an old frame, the phantom of a lady of long ago whose powdered hair
was starred with blue flowers, holding in her hand a bunch of
carnations. When I came to the end, the bare wall in which no door
opened said to me simply: “Now you must turn and go back, but, you see,
you are at home here, the house is yours,” while the soft carpet, not to
be left out, added that if I did not sleep that night I could easily
come in barefoot, and the unshuttered windows, looking out over the open
country, assured me that they would hold a sleepless vigil and that, at
whatever hour I chose to come in, I need not be afraid of disturbing
anyone. And behind a hanging curtain I surprised only a little closet
which, stopped by the wall and unable to escape any farther, had hidden
itself there with a guilty conscience and gave me a frightened stare
from its little round window, glowing blue in the moonlight. I went to
bed, but the presence of the eiderdown quilt, of the pillars, of the
neat fireplace, by straining my attention to a pitch beyond that of
Paris, prevented me from letting myself go upon my habitual train of
fancies. And as it is this particular state of strained attention that
enfolds our slumbers, acts upon them, modifies them, brings them into
line with this or that series of past impressions, the images that
filled my dreams that first night were borrowed from a memory entirely
distinct from that on which I was in the habit of drawing. If I had been
tempted while asleep to let myself be swept back upon my ordinary
current of remembrance, the bed to which I was not accustomed, the
comfortable attention which I was obliged to pay to the position of my
various limbs when I turned over were sufficient to correct my error, to
disentangle and to keep running the new thread of my dreams. It is the
same with sleep as with our perception of the external world. It needs
only a modification in our habits to make it poetic, it is enough that
while undressing we should have dozed off unconsciously upon the bed,
for the dimensions of our dream-world to be altered and its beauty felt.
We awake, look at our watch, see “four o’clock”; it is only four o’clock
in the morning, but we imagine that the whole day has gone by, so
vividly does this nap of a few minutes, unsought by us, appear to have
come down to us from the skies, by virtue of some divine right,
full-bodied, vast, like an Emperor’s orb of gold. In the morning, while
worrying over the thought that my grandfather was ready, and was waiting
for me to start on our walk along the Méséglise way, I was awakened by
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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