The Haunted Man and the Ghost's BargainDickens, Charles
General
The Haunted Man and the Ghost's Bargain
Dickens, Charles
Christmas stories; Ghost stories
“‘It is an undoubted fact that all remarkable men have had remarkable
mothers, and have respected them in after life as their best friends.’
Think of your own remarkable mother, my boys,” said Mr. Tetterby, “and
know her value while she is still among you!”
He sat down again in his chair by the fire, and composed himself,
cross-legged, over his newspaper.
“Let anybody, I don’t care who it is, get out of bed again,” said
Tetterby, as a general proclamation, delivered in a very soft-hearted
manner, “and astonishment will be the portion of that respected
contemporary!”—which expression Mr. Tetterby selected from his screen.
“Johnny, my child, take care of your only sister, Sally; for she’s the
brightest gem that ever sparkled on your early brow.”
Johnny sat down on a little stool, and devotedly crushed himself beneath
the weight of Moloch.
“Ah, what a gift that baby is to you, Johnny!” said his father, “and how
thankful you ought to be! ‘It is not generally known, Johnny,’” he was
now referring to the screen again, “‘but it is a fact ascertained, by
accurate calculations, that the following immense percentage of babies
never attain to two years old; that is to say—’”
“Oh, don’t, father, please!” cried Johnny. “I can’t bear it, when I
think of Sally.”
Mr. Tetterby desisting, Johnny, with a profound sense of his trust, wiped
his eyes, and hushed his sister.
“Your brother ’Dolphus,” said his father, poking the fire, “is late
to-night, Johnny, and will come home like a lump of ice. What’s got your
precious mother?”
“Here’s mother, and ’Dolphus too, father!” exclaimed Johnny, “I think.”
“You’re right!” returned his father, listening. “Yes, that’s the
footstep of my little woman.”
The process of induction, by which Mr. Tetterby had come to the
conclusion that his wife was a little woman, was his own secret. She
would have made two editions of himself, very easily. Considered as an
individual, she was rather remarkable for being robust and portly; but
considered with reference to her husband, her dimensions became
magnificent. Nor did they assume a less imposing proportion, when
studied with reference to the size of her seven sons, who were but
diminutive. In the case of Sally, however, Mrs. Tetterby had asserted
herself, at last; as nobody knew better than the victim Johnny, who
weighed and measured that exacting idol every hour in the day.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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