French essays -- Translations into English; World War, 1914-1918 -- Influence
So, if I am spurred by an ambition, it is to beg the world to seek
once more whatever can lighten the present and the future distress of
mankind, to seek the springs of interest that exist for the soul in a
life harassed with difficulties, perils and disillusionments, to honor
more than ever the faithful and incorruptible resources of the inner
life.
* * * * *
The inner life!
It has never ceased to shine, a precious, quivering flame, devoting
all its ardor in a struggle against the breath of these great events,
resisting this tempest which has had no parallel.
It has never ceased to shine, but its shy and faithful light trembles
in a sort of crypt into which we fear to venture.
What has happened has seized upon us as upon its prey. During the
first months of the war, during the first years perhaps, all our
physical and moral energies were overwhelmed in this maelstrom. How,
indeed, could one refuse oneself to the appetite of the monster? We did
not even try to snatch from him our hours of leisure, our dreams. We
simply abandoned such things, as we abandoned our plans, our welfare,
and the whole of our existence.
You remember! It was a time when solitude found us more shaken, more
disarmed, than peril. We reproached ourselves for distracting a single
one of our thoughts from the universal distress. We gave ourselves day
and night to this agonizing world; and when our work was suspended,
when the wild beast unloosed its clutch, as if in play, and we returned
for a few minutes to ourselves, we did not always dare to look the
quivering inner flame in the face. What it lighted up in us seemed at
times too foreign to our anxiety, or too filled with limpid serenity.
And so we returned to our wretchedness, experiencing it to the point of
intoxication, to the point of despair.
When I think of the year 1915, it seems to me that I still hear all
those noble comrades saying to me with a sort of dejection: “I can’t
think of anything else! I can neither read, nor work, nor seek to
distract myself to any purpose. When I’m off duty I think about these
days, I think about them unceasingly, till I feel seasick, till I feel
dizzy. I’ve just had two hours of liberty. Once upon a time I should
have given them to Pascal or to Tolstoy. Today I have employed them
in reading some documentary works on the manufacture of torpedoes and
on European colonial methods. They are subjects that will always be
outside my line, subjects I shall never be interested in. But how can I
think of anything else?”
Perhaps it is not a question of thinking of anything else. It is not a
question of turning one’s back on the time, but rather of looking it in
the face, calmly and collectedly.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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