Then another transfer took place and I was pondering anew, for a face I
had seen flickering through the warm wet mist haunted me; it entered
into the realm of the interpreter, and I was made aware by the pale
cheeks, and by the close-shut lips of pain, and by some inward
knowledge, that there the Tree of Life was beginning to grow, and I
wondered why it is that it always springs up through a heart in ashes:
I wondered also if that which springs up, which in itself is an
immortal joy, has knowledge that its shoots are piercing through such
anguish; or again, if it was the piercing of the shoots which caused
the pain, and if every throb of the beautiful flame darting upward to
blossom meant the perishing of some more earthly growth which had kept
the heart in shadow.
Seeing too how many thoughts spring up from such a simple thing, I
questioned whether that which started the impulse had any share in the
outcome, and if these musings of mine in any way affected their
subject. I then began thinking about those secret ties on which I have
speculated before, and in the darkness my heart grew suddenly warm and
glowing, for I had chanced upon one of those shining imaginations which
are the wealth of those who travel upon the hidden ways. In describing
that which comes to us all at once, there is a difficulty in choosing
between what is first and what is last to say: but, interpreting as
best I can, I seemed to behold the onward movement of a Light, one
among many Lights, all living, throbbing, now dim with perturbations,
and now again clear, and all subtly woven together, outwardly in some
more shadowy shining, and inwardly in a greater fire, which, though it
was invisible, I knew to be the Lamp of the World. This Light which I
beheld I felt to be a human soul, and these perturbations which dimmed
it were its struggles and passionate longings for something, and that
was for a more brilliant shining of the light within itself. It was in
love with its own beauty, enraptured by its own lucidity; and I saw
that as these things were more beloved they grew paler, for this light
is the love which the Mighty Mother has in her heart for her children,
and she means that it shall go through each one unto all, and whoever
restrains it in himself is himself shut out; not that the great heart
has ceased in its love for that soul, but that the soul has shut itself
off from influx, for every imagination of man is the opening or the
closing of a door to the divine world: now he is solitary, cut off,
and, seemingly to himself, on the desert and distant verge of things:
and then his thought throws open the swift portals; he hears the chant
of the seraphs in his heart, and he is made luminous by the lighting of
a sudden aureole. This soul which I watched seemed to have learned at
last the secret love: for, in the anguish begotten by its loss, it
followed the departing glory in penitence to the inmost shrine where it
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