These were the good nights that he could look back on without any fear
or shame, when he had been happy and content on a diet of bread and tea
and tobacco, and could hear of some imbecility passing into its
hundredth thousand, and laugh cheerfully—if only that last page had
been imagined aright, if the phrases noted in the still hours rang out
their music when he read them in the morning. He remembered the
drolleries and fantasies that the worthy Miss Deacon used to write to
him, and how he had grinned at her words of reproof, admonition, and
advice. She had once instigated Dolly _fils_ to pay him a visit, and
that young prop of respectability had talked about the extraordinary
running of Bolter at the Scurragh meeting in Ireland; and then,
glancing at Lucian’s books, had inquired whether any of them had “warm
bits.” He had been kind though patronizing, and seemed to have moved
freely in the most brilliant society of Stoke Newington. He had not
been able to give any information as to the present condition of Edgar
Allan Poe’s old school. It appeared eventually that his report at home
had not been a very favorable one, for no invitation to high tea had
followed, as Miss Deacon had hoped. The Dollys knew many nice people,
who were well off, and Lucian’s cousin, as she afterwards said, had
done _her_ best to introduce him to the _beau monde_ of those northern
suburbs.
But after the visit of the young Dolly, with what joy he had returned
to the treasures which he had concealed from profane eyes. He had
looked out and seen his visitor on board the tram at the street corner,
and he laughed out loud, and locked his door. There had been moments
when he was lonely, and wished to hear again the sound of friendly
speech, but, after such an irruption of suburban futility, it was a
keen delight, to feel that he was secure on his tower, that he could
absorb himself in his wonderful task as safe and silent as if he were
in mid-desert.
But there was one period that he dared not revive; he could not bear to
think of those weeks of desolation and terror in the winter after his
coming to London. His mind was sluggish, and he could not quite
remember how many years had passed since that dismal experience; it
sounded all an old story, but yet it was still vivid, a flaming scroll
of terror from which he turned his eyes away. One awful scene glowed
into his memory, and he could not shut out the sight of an orgy, of
dusky figures whirling in a ring, of lurid naphtha flares blazing in
the darkness, of great glittering lamps, like infernal thuribles, very
slowly swaying in a violent blast of air. And there was something else,
something which he could not remember, but it filled him with terror,
but it slunk in the dark places of his soul, as a wild beast crouches
in the depths of a cave.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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