The History and Records of the Elephant ClubDoesticks, Q. K. Philander
General
The History and Records of the Elephant Club
Doesticks, Q. K. Philander
American wit and humor
At the north end of the ground, a big darkey in his shirt-sleeves was
mounted on a platform, preaching to a crowd, who seemed, by their
vermicular contortions, to be possessed of a legion of eely devils. On
the west side, a fat wench was stirring up the fire under a big kettle
of soup, seemingly composed principally of onions and ham; in a sly
corner a red-shirt b'hoy was displaying the mysterious evolutions of
the "little joker," and two small specimens of ebony juvenility were
playing euchre on a basswood log; opposite to these, mounted on a cider
barrel, a molasses-colored gentleman was going through a rather
extraordinary performance; he had preached till his audience had all
left him; then shouted "Hallelujah," and "Glory," till he was hoarse;
had sung hymns in a spasmodic whisper till his voice gave entirely out,
and now, in despair at being unable to speak, yet compelled to work off
his superabundant religion, as if he were a locomotive with too big a
head of steam on, he was dancing on one leg, and kicking the other about
in a kind of perpetual pigeon-wing, and tossing his arms upwards in a
wild and original manner, as if he was using his utmost endeavors to
climb to heaven on an invisible tarred rope.
To the shouts of the men, and the screams of the women who had got too
much religion, was added the laughter of the outsiders, who hadn't got
enough religion, and the swearing of the gamblers, who hadn't got any
religion; and to complete the harmony, from a neighboring pasture was
wafted the roars of a herd of cattle, applauding, in their own peculiar
manner, an extemporaneous bull-fight.
Mr. Dropper gave it as his opinion, that camp-meeting religion, if
analyzed, would be found to consist of equal parts of rum, rowdyism, and
insanity. As, however, it was deemed improper to decide without a
complete examination of the premises, it was resolved to proceed in
company to explore the place.
Quackenbush, who had resumed his nap on the grass, was roused, and after
getting the grasshoppers out of his hair, the sand-flies out of his
ears, and pulling off his boots to look for centipedes, he was declared
ready for active duty, and they proceeded on their march.
They found in a side hut of more pretentious appearance than the rest,
that there was something unusual going on, and upon inquiring,
discovered that one of the fragrant flock having transgressed, he was
then having his trial before the "session."
The party moved on to where the minister in his shirt-sleeves was
edifying a small, but select, not to say noisy, congregation. The
audience seemed to be affected much in the same manner as a strong shock
of electricity will stir up a crowd of boys who have all got hold of the
same wire. As there seemed to be a prospect of fun, the Elephants made a
temporary halt to witness the same.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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