Great Britain -- Politics and government -- 1702-1714 -- Humor; Political satire, English
The lawyers, as their last effort to put off the composition, sent Don
Diego to John. Don Diego was a very worthy gentleman, a friend to John,
his mother, and present wife, and, therefore, supposed to have some
influence over her. He had been ill used himself by John's lawyers, but
because of some animosity to Sir Roger was against the composition. The
conference between him and Mrs. Bull was word for word as follows:--
DON DIEGO.--Is it possible, cousin Bull, that you can forget the
honourable maxims of the family you are come of, and break your word
with three of the honestest, best-meaning persons in the world--Esquires
South, Frog, and Hocus--that have sacrificed their interests to yours?
It is base to take advantage of their simplicity and credulity, and
leave them in the lurch at last.
MRS. BULL--I am sure they have left my family in a bad condition, we
have hardly money to go to market; and nobody will take our words for
sixpence. A very fine spark this Esquire South! My husband took him in,
a dirty boy. It was the business of half the servants to attend him.*
The rogue did bawl and make such a noise: sometimes he fell in the
fire and burnt his face, sometimes broke his shins clambering over the
benches, and always came in so dirty, as if he had been dragged through
the kennel at a boarding-school. He lost his money at chuck-farthing,
shuffle-cap, and all-fours; sold his books, pawned his linen, which we
were always forced to redeem. Then the whole generation of him are so in
love with bagpipes and puppet-shows! I wish you knew what my husband has
paid at the pastry-cook's and confectioner's for Naples biscuits, tarts,
custards, and sweetmeats. All this while my husband considered him as
a gentleman of a good family that had fallen into decay, gave him
good education, and has settled him in a good creditable way of
living--having procured him, by his interest, one of the best places of
the country. And what return, think you, does this fine gentleman
make us? he will hardly give me or my husband a good word, or a civil
expression. Instead of Sir and Madam (which, though I say it, is our
due), he calls us "goody" and "gaffer" such-a-one; says he did us a
great deal of honour to board with us; huffs and dings at such a rate,
because we will not spend the little we have left to get him the title
and estate of Lord Strutt; and then forsooth, we shall have the honour
to be his woollen-drapers.** Besides, Esquire South will be Esquire
South still; fickle, proud, and ungrateful. If he behaves himself so
when he depends on us for his daily bread, can any man say what he will
do when he is got above the world?
* Something relating to the manners of a great prince,
superstition, love of operas, shows, etc.
** Something relating to forms and titles.
D. DIEGO.--And would you lose the honour of so noble and generous an
undertaking? Would you rather accept this scandalous composition, and
trust that old rogue, Lewis Baboon?
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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