Great Britain -- Politics and government -- 1702-1714 -- Humor; Political satire, English
A parcel of tall fellows, who thought themselves affronted by the
discourse, took up the quarrel, and to it they went, the tall men and
the low men, which continues still a faction in the family, to the great
disorder of our mistress's affairs. The said Timothy carried this frolic
so far, that he proposed to his mistress that she should entertain no
servant that was above four feet seven inches high, and for that purpose
had prepared a gauge, by which they were to be measured. The good old
gentlewoman was not so simple as to go into his projects--she began
to smell a rat. "This Trim," quoth she, "is an odd sort of a fellow;
methinks he makes a strange figure with that ragged, tattered coat
appearing under his livery; can't he go spruce and clean, like the rest
of the servants? The fellow has a roguish leer with him which I don't
like by any means; besides, he has such a twang in his discourse, and
an ungraceful way of speaking through the nose, that one can hardly
understand him; I wish the fellow be not tainted with some bad disease."
The witnesses further made oath, that the said Timothy lay out a-nights,
and went abroad often at unseasonable hours; and it was credibly
reported he did business in another family: that he pretended to have
a squeamish stomach, and could not eat at table with the rest of the
servants, though this was but a pretence to provide some nice bit
for himself; that he refused to dine upon salt fish, only to have an
opportunity to eat a calf's head (his favourite dish) in private; that
for all his tender stomach, when he was got by himself, he could devour
capons, turkeys, and sirloins of beef, like a cormorant.
Two other witnesses gave the following evidence: That in his officious
attendance upon his mistress, he had tried to slip a powder into her
drink, and that he was once caught endeavouring to stifle her with a
pillow as she was asleep; that he and Ptschirnsooker were often in close
conference, and that they used to drink together at the "Rose," where it
seems he was well enough known by his true name of Jack.
The prisoner had little to say in his defence; he endeavoured to prove
himself alibi, so that the trial turned upon this single question,
whether the said Timothy Trim and Jack were the same person; which was
proved by such plain tokens, and particularly by a mole under the
left pap, that there was no withstanding the evidence; therefore the
worshipful Mr. Justice committed him, in order to his trial.
CHAPTER XII. How Jack's friends came to visit him in prison, and what
advice they gave him.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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