--Yes; if he comes from Ohio, he fills nearly every place he's got to give away with lean, hungry Ohio men, so that you can get a "whiff" of that state all over Washington, and in a good many other places too, any time of the day or night. Really I don't understand you. All our Presidents do not come from Ohio or Illinois! --Thank God they don't. Just tell me what the Senators have to do? --To prevent Congressmen from making fools of themselves. Anything else? --Yes; to keep an eye on the "jobs" Congressmen are always trying to put through. What are the duties of Congressmen? --God knows! I don't think they do themselves. What should you think? --From the way they go on, I should say: to make a grab whenever they can. Who is now President of the United States? --Samuel J. Tilden. That is a mistake. The present President of the United States is Rutherford B. Hayes. --He is, is he? Yes, just about as much as I'm owner of Central Park, when I sit down on a bench there. What do you mean? --I mean to say a man can't be President of this country unless he is elected, and Hayes was never elected. Who was elected then? --Why, Samuel J. Tilden, to be sure! Then how did Hayes get in? --He had some "statesmen" working for him, who kept the right man out and pushed him in. Do you really mean that? --As certain as death. Very strange! Who were these "statesmen;" I suppose you mean his friends? --Friends, indeed! Yes, like wolves are to sheep. Is Mr. Hayes a sheep? --The people that put him where he is, have made him sheepish enough; but he isn't a sheep. His hide is too thick for that. He would be a mule, _only he isn't quite big enough_. Ah! You have a strange way of expressing yourself. But tell me, who were his "friends" as you call them? --The same men that "worked" Grant. What do you mean by "working" Grant? --Putting a pair of "blinkers" on him, and then stealing everything they could lay their hands on; and then when they were going to be turned out, stealing the presidency so as to get another "hack" at the "swag." Really, this language sounds dreadful, I don't understand it; but I suppose you mean right. --Mean right? I should think I do. I _am_ right. Only in talking of thieves, I am using the language of thieves. They simply wanted to keep their places and go on plundering the people. Speaking about General Grant, what kind of a President was he? --The best judge of whiskey, cigars and horses that ever stepped into the White House. Heavens! how dull you are! I'm not talking about whiskey and cigars, I mean what were his gifts? --Gifts? to whom? I never heard that he made any gifts. He took everything offered him from a brownstone front downwards, until it got to a bull-pup with the expressage unpaid--there he stopped. Shall I ever get you to understand me? I mean had he any good qualities?