The Humour of America: Selected, with an Introduction and Index of American Humorists — John Shaqi
The Humour of America: Selected, with an Introduction and Index of American Humorists
General
The Humour of America: Selected, with an Introduction and Index of American Humorists
American wit and humor
He waited an instant while two or three mothers bore out great armfuls
of slumbering or fretting infancy, and a number of young men sank down
into the vacated chairs. Then he stepped down from the platform, drew
back four or five yards from the class, opened the spelling-book,
scanned the first word, closed the book with his finger at the place,
lifted it high above his head, and cried—
“Claude! Claude, my brave scholar, always perfect, ah you ready?” He
gave the little book a half whirl round, and dashed forward towards the
chosen scholar, crying as he came—
“In-e-rad-i-ca-bility!”
Claude’s face suddenly set in a stony vacancy, and with his eyes staring
straight before him he responded—
“I-n, in-, e, inerad-, r-a-d, rad-, inerad-, ineraddy-, ineradica-, c-a,
ca, ineradica-, ineradicabili-, b-i-elly- billy, ineradicabili-,
ineradicabili-, t-y, ty, ineradicability.”
“Right! Claude, my boy! my always good scholar, right!” The master drew
back to his starting-place as he spoke, re-opened the book, shut it
again, lifted it high in the air, cried, “Madelaine, my dear chile,
prepare!” whirled the book and rushed upon her with—
“In-de-fat-i-ga-bil-ly-ty!”
Madelaine turned to stone, and began—
“I-n, een, d-e, de-, inde-, indefat-, indefat—fat—f-a-t, fat, indefat,
indefatty, i, ty, indefati-, indefatiga-, g-a, ga, indefatiga-,
indefatigabilly, b-i-elly, billy, indefatigabili-, t-y, ty,
indefatigability.”
“O, Madelaine, my chile, you make yo’ teacher proud! prah-ood, my
chile!” Bonaventure’s hand rested a moment tenderly on her head as he
looked first towards the audience and then towards the stranger. Then he
drew off for the third word. He looked at it twice before he called it.
Then—
“Sidonie! ah! Sidonie, be ready! be prepared! fail not yo’ humble
school-teacher! In-com——” He looked at the word a third time, and then
swept down upon her; “In-com-pre-hen-si-ca-_bility_!”
Sidonie flinched not nor looked upon him, as he hung over her with the
spelling-book at arm’s reach above them; yet the pause that followed
seemed to speak dismay, and throughout the class there was a silent
recoil from something undiscovered by the master. But an instant later
Sidonie had chosen between the two horns of her agonising dilemma, and
began—
“I-n, een, c-o-m, cawm, eencawm, eencawmpre, p-r-e, pre, eencawmpre,
eencawmprehen, prehen, haich-e-n, hen, hen, eencawmprehensi, s-i, si,
eencawmprehensi-, bil——”
“Ah! Sidonie! stop! _Arretez!_ Si-do-nie-e-e-e! Oh!
listen—_écoutez_—Sidonie, my dear!” The master threw his arms up and
down in distraction, then suddenly faced the visitor. “Sir, it was my
blame! I spoke the word without adequate distinction!
Sidonie—_maintenant_—now!” But a voice in the audience interrupted with—
“_Assoiez-vous la_, Chat-oué! seet down yondeh!” And at the potent voice
of Maximian Roussel the offender was pushed silently into the seat he
had risen from, and Bonaventure gave the word again.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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