The Humour of America: Selected, with an Introduction and Index of American Humorists — John Shaqi
The Humour of America: Selected, with an Introduction and Index of American Humorists
General
The Humour of America: Selected, with an Introduction and Index of American Humorists
American wit and humor
“In-com-pre-hen-si-ca-bil-i-ty!” And Sidonie, blushing like fire,
returned to the task.
“I-n, een——” She bit her lips and trembled.
“Right! _Right!_ Tremble not, my Sidonie! fear naught! yo’ loving
school-teacher is at thy side!” But she trembled like a red leaf as she
spelled on—“Haich-e-n, hen, eencawmprehen, eencawmprehensi, s-i, si,
eencawmprehensi-, eencawmprehensi-billy-t-y, ty, incomprehensibility!”
The master dropped his hands and lifted his eyes in speechless despair.
As they fell again upon Sidonie her own met them. She moaned, covered
her face with her hands, burst into tears, ran to her desk, and threw
her hands and face upon it, shaking with noiseless sobs and burning red
to the nape of her perfect neck. All Grande Pointe rose to its feet.
“Lost!” cried Bonaventure in a heart-broken voice. “Every thing lost!
Farewell, chil’run!” He opened his arms towards them, and with one dash
all the lesser ones filled them. They wept. Tears welled from
Bonaventure’s eyes; and the mothers of Grande Pointe dropped again into
their seats and silently added theirs.
The next moment all eyes were on Maximian. His strong figure was mounted
on a chair, and he was making a gentle, commanding gesture with one hand
as he called: “Seet down! Seet down, all han’!” and all sank down,
Bonaventure in a mass of weeping and clinging children. ’Mian too
resumed his seat, at the same time waving to the stranger to speak.
“My friends,” said the visitor, rising with alacrity, “I say when a man
makes a bargain, he ought to stick to it!” He paused for them—as many as
could—to take in the meaning of his English speech, and, it may be,
expecting some demonstration of approval; but dead silence reigned, all
eyes on him save Bonaventure’s and Sidonie’s. He began again: “A
bargain’s a bargain!” And Chat-oué nodded approvingly and began to say
audibly, “Yass;” but ’Mian thundered out—
“_Taise toi_, Chat-oué! Shot op!” And the silence was again complete,
while the stranger resumed—
[Illustration: “HE OPENED HIS ARMS, AND WITH ONE DASH ALL THE LESSER
ONES FILLED THEM.”]
“There was a plain bargain made.” He moved a step forward and laid the
matter off on the palm of his hand. “There was to be an examination! The
school was not to know; but if one scholar should make one mistake the
schoolhouse was to be closed and the schoolmaster sent away. Well,
there’s been a mistake made, and I say a bargain’s a bargain.” Dead
silence still. The speaker looked at ’Mian. “Do you think they
understand me?”
“Dey meck out,” said ’Mian, and shut his firm jaws.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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